Florence Millot, psychologist and author of the work “I don’t let it go in the playground” delivers her advice to help schoolchildren become the masters of the distribution, and to defend themselves according to the situations.
“He told me that my drawing was ugly”, “he no longer wants me to play with him in football because I am too bad”, “he no longer wants to be my friend”… children are sometimes excluded from the group, devalued or mocked, without really knowing how to react. Parents then advise them not to pay attention, to move away and to ignore the comrade who is problematic, but this communication may trivialize his emotions. Result: the child “Do not dare to say anything, neither at home, because their attempt was not taken seriously, nor in the courtyard not having arms to defend himself“Explains Florence Millot*, psychologist, psychopedagogue and author of the book”I don’t let it go in the playground“, at Horay editions. Through this emotional self -defense manual, the specialist delivers her advice to those who” bother them “, making them aware of their value.
1 – Help him take a step back and reassure him
In her book, the author explains the four principles of Tatakai. What is it? First of all, “The principle of the open window“Consists in creating an opening in the child’s mind. Thus, when he feels cornered, he will be easier to step back if it is aware that solutions exist, such as changing schools for example.” Knowing that there can be a plan B reassures the child and gives him strength to move forward, “said the author in her book.”The principle of elevation“Aid also to understand that this situation is not final. Indeed, the little ones live in the present moment.” They do not have this notion of relativity and recoil on life as adults, “adds Florence Millot. To this is added”The principle of the net in the head“. Concretely, your child needs to feel protected and know that his parents believe what he says.” It is essential to know how to listen to his child without judgment, ask him questions and tell him that you will be ready to intervene in school if the situation persists “, advises the psychologist. Finally,”The principle of exception“is to allow your child to defend himself when words are not enough.
2 – Know these children who attack better
Florence Millot analyzes the different aggressive profiles (the leader, the connected, the caid, the manipulator, the plague, etc.). For each of them, she details her behavior, her way of acting on other children and the reason why the latter obey him, as well as what he feels in secret. Better understanding them allows you to know their weaknesses, and to show your child that basically, “the jealous” seeks to lower the others because he himself has a lack.
3 – Confide, exchange and value it
The author recommends that parents indulge in their own experience so that the child understands that he is not the only one to live this situation and that ultimately things end up arranging. The opportunity also to explain to them that the people who are believed to be the strongest often hide weaknesses. Conversely, your child may seem small, but feel tall and strong. Discussing, exchanging and enhancing your child is essential to give him self -confidence and guide him on the path of self -assertion.
4 – Apply the four types of self -defense
Verbal mirror technique consists in sending his opponent to his own aggressiveness, by asking him a question which leads him to think and to make him lose his balance, while keeping his calm. “You leave from the principle that he has his reason and you want to know more. His point of view interests you (but you do not have to agree with him)”, explains the author. So, “the more you bring him to think, the less he acts you because you make him talk about him and not of you, that’s the secret,” she reveals.
The dodge technique Allows the child to show the other that his aggressiveness does not reach him with phrases of the type “So what?”, “If that poses a problem, do you want to talk about it?” Or, “think what you want is your problem, not reality,” she gives for example.
The shield technique is the art of knowing how to say no or stop when the situation displeases us. Sometimes an attitude and a firm look can just as much be effective.
Finally, The venerable warrior technique aims to help the child to become aware of his own value so that he can be respected by showing his classmate his strong points, without listening to external judgments. “I am as I am”, “I have the right to …”
In his book “I don’t let it go in the playground”, Florence Millot also offers tracks, in the form of a game, to allow her child to train to respond to her attacker.
*Interviews collected in March 2019
