A report on single-parent families recommends making joint custody compulsory “before any other solution, in the best interests of the child”. What you need to know to preserve the little ones.
The report by Senator Renaissance Xavier Iacovelli, delivered on September 30, includes 41 measures in favor of single-parent families. The objective: “to reconcile the needs of parents with the best interests of the child” by supporting these families towards employment, housing, financial means, etc. Among the proposed measures is the obligation of joint custody , which must be proposed “before any other solution, in the best interests of the child”. Nevertheless, “This framework would be applicable except in the case of proven violent behavior by one of the two parents” or in the case of “consensual agreement of both parents“.
This method of custody in the event of divorce or separation is in fact considered to be the most beneficial to children according to family court judges. The report also plans to give each child the choice to choose their place of care, “at a specific age, while preserving the right and duty of both parents to visit and accommodate“. Here are some essential tips before setting up joint custody:
1 – Living close to the other parent
This is one of the essential conditions for setting up joint custody. Both parents must live close to each other so that the child can keep his bearings. Going to school, seeing his classmates, continuing his sports and extracurricular activities… help him find his balance and flourish. Ideally, parents who live in the same neighborhood or in the same city have an easier time maintaining the child’s daily habits and habits. In addition, the distance to go to mom and dad will be shorter, and therefore less tiring in the long term.
2 – The right day to change house
The change of residence generally takes place on Sunday evening. But after spending a “great weekend” with mom or dad, it’s difficult for the little ones to start the week calmly. Why not try changing houses on Friday evening after school for example? The separation from the father or mother is then experienced more easily, since the child begins the week with the other parent with a weekend… with a whole program awaiting him.
3 – Maintain good understanding
Difficult to put into practice, especially in the event of a dispute linked to separation. Sometimes, some parents even use their child to reach their ex-spouse, but it is essential to act in the child’s best interests. He could feel helpless and feel guilty if he feels caught in the crossfire. Especially since he needs both parents, each of whom is complementary to help him grow well. Furthermore, be sure to always speak with respect about your ex-spouse in front of your child. Don’t forget that he/she will always remain his/her father/mother! Also be careful to inform them of certain important decisions concerning your child’s education or health. In the event of disagreement, it is up to the judges to decide, always in the interest of the child.
4 – Living with mom or dad? Let your teenager express their choice
It is up to the parents to decide together on the custody of their child. However, it is still important to listen to his wishes and desires, especially when he is a teenager. He probably has his bearings in the family apartment, and will not particularly want to move every week. However, the courts will only take the child’s choice into consideration from a certain age (10-12 years), and depending on the situation. Be careful not to make your child feel guilty by making him feel that he is choosing to live with one parent rather than the other. Moreover, “judges are not required to follow the child’s testimony. This is just one indication among others.“, explains Maître Yves Toledano, lawyer specializing in divorce.
5 – Manage children’s education well and give them the right benchmarks
It’s difficult to agree on the daily education of your child when you no longer live under the same roof. Lay the foundations together, so that your little one doesn’t play on your weaknesses by comparing what he is allowed to do at Dad’s house, for example. When it comes to outings, food, homework… Don’t be too authoritarian or too lax, the main thing is to accept and prohibit the same things (in broad terms), so that the child can have benchmarks and limits. .
6 – Establish a childcare schedule to be well organized
It is recommended toestablish your childcare schedule well in advance : to help your child get his bearings, you can color a calendar with him for example (a color for you, a color for his father). Also bring duplicate toys, clothes and toiletries to avoid a “small move” each time you change residence… Another idea: use a “traveler’s” notebook as a medium for exchange. You and your ex-partner can write down all the important things that happened to your child during their stay: flu, heartbreak, success on the math test, etc.
Finally, remember that joint custody can be modified at any time by the parents, by contacting the family court judge. This will decide according to the situations of the ex-spouses, always taking into consideration the interests and well-being of the child.
