We all know a person who always wants to control everything.
A person who wants to control everything recognizes his need to control every detail and his difficulty in delegating. She seeks to impose her decisions, convinced that nothing will be done well without her intervention. This rigid perfectionism gives the impression that there is only one good way to do things: his.
On the relational level, this hyper control can weaken links. By dint of wanting to decide for others, confidence is crumbling and those around you can feel muffled or devalued. “”In a couple, for example, if one of the partners “exercises his desire to take over” permanently, the relational balance suffers from it. The other risk of undergoing an unequal distribution of responsibilities (the enthusiast will tend to discharge the tasks he deems secondary on his spouse) and to lose his autonomy. Ultimately, this creates tensions and conflicts“, Explains Dr. Emile Guibert, doctor of psychology. It is not rare either that the entourage perceives this attitude as authoritarianism, which can isolate the person at the origin of control despite his good intentions.
Often, the need to master everything actually betrays a deep fear of the unexpected or instability. “”As a psychologist, I frequently observe that the person implements a protection strategy in the face of anxiety: controlling their environment gives the illusion of protecting themselves against unpleasant surprises. ” The person fears so much to be injured or disappointed that he prefers to avoid certain situations rather than to face the unknown. She often anticipates the worst, “resigned herself in advance” for fear of the negative consequences imagined and takes refuge in what she knows (her routines, her secure cocoon) so as not to be destabilized. This attitude is often observed in anxious people or, on the contrary, the phlegmatic, known for their need for stability. It is possible to learn to let go and tame uncertainty. The author of the book “Everything is a question of character” (ed. Favre) encourages to accept the idea that everything is impossible. Life has a share of unpredictable, and open it can bring great surprises. The very sensitive people benefit from enhancing their emotivity and gradually exposing themselves to uncomfortable small situations (try an unknown activity for example). Those who tend to direct everything (like enthusiasts), must learn to delegate and trust others.
Concretely, this means accepting that his spouse, a colleague or a loved one does in his own way, even if the result is different from his expectations. This relational letting go also involves the development of empathy and listening: taking the time to really listen to the needs and ideas of those around them, the too controlling person discovers other ways of seeing things and realizes that everything does not rest only on it. Value collaboration rather than the control relieves the pressure it imposes itself and improves relationships.
