There is only one reflex to adopt as soon as children are old enough to understand what is being said to them.
In families, it is not uncommon for conflicts to arise between brothers and sisters, whether during childhood or adulthood. Often this can come from rivalry, the need for attention or personality differences. From childhood, everyone seeks to find their place and competition for the love of parents, even unconscious, can create tensions. As we grow up, interests and differences sometimes become more pronounced, reinforcing disagreements. Added to this are childhood memories, both good and bad, which can leave marks. For parents, it’s never easy to see their own children arguing, tearing each other up or hating each other. So, what can we do to avoid these tensions within siblings?
Parents have their role to play in this. According to Dr. Arnault Pfersdorff, pediatrician-resuscitator and author of the book “Your Teenager: decipher them, motivate them, help them achieve their goals” (Hatier editions), they must avoid comparisons between their children at all costs. You know, those little comparisons that seem insignificant, like: “with your older brother, we never had this kind of problem”, “your sister listened to instructions more”, “why is it always so complicated with you, when your brother is…”. Why avoid these kinds of comments? Because this establishes “a feeling of discrimination and jealousy among siblings”warns the expert in his work.
Indeed, these comparisons will not only hurt any teenager, but also “mark it in the long term”. To some adults, these phrases may seem trivial, but when said by people in a position of authority such as parents, they stick in teens’ heads for years. “He also risks reproducing the pattern once he becomes an adult, with his own children”comments the pediatrician. Conversely, to promote good understanding within your tribe, instead highlight your children’s differences by valuing them, so that they do not feel excluded or inferior compared to their other brothers and sisters.
