It may seem strange to you, but the person writing to you is a 21-year-old girl who casually read your column. My boyfriend, who is my age, he lives in a family where there is constant arguing: his parents don’t know how to listenthey constantly interrupt, they always want to be right. He also does this when he is in his house and he ends up getting angry without control. I’m worried about why I wouldn’t want him to do the same to me. We have been together for three years and so far he has never behaved badly, but I still have some worries. I would like to know your opinion.
Margherita pizza
– Dear Margherita, tell me about this topic talk oftenand it is the most effective way to deal with it. You wonder about the future of your relationship and you touch on a crucial point: the weight that the behavior of the family of origin exerts on emotional choices.
Growing also means questioning parents’ ways of doing things and habits, to build your own. During theadolescence the children’s rebellions they affect precisely the attitudes perceived as most unpleasant and limiting. But in addition to the most obvious traits, there remain, often unconscious, ways of being that children end up reproducing. In particular, the way of managing emotions and to show what you feel.
It is on this terrain that a young person must exercise a critical gaze, even if it is not easy. The look of the loved one it can become a precious support, when there is a willingness to discuss, and it is a help that can be mutual. “What you inherited from your fathers, reconquer it if you really want to possess it”, wrote Goethe. Being yourself, without severing the link with the past, means reworking what comes from the family and wanting to make it your own, reinterpreting it to find your authentic self.
Anger management in the family. Some advice
