The psychological process of imitation begins very early in life. There is a more important role of identification between children and parents of the same sex, this is what we call the gender of the same. We identify more easily with the parent of the same sex while being in opposition because we have to differentiate ourselves from the other. “The type of attachment that one has developed with one’s own mother is essential because it will play a role in identification phenomena. If one has an insecure attachment style, identification will be more complicated because the mother “is not a safe model for oneself”develops the clinical psychologist Sébastien Garnero for Le Journal des Femmes.
“Obviously, on a physical level, the resemblance is possible because there is an important part of genetics. This physical resemblance can contribute to identification and imitation. But on the personality level, there are three possibilities : we can build ourselves in opposition to our own mother, be part of the reproduction of the same, or be in a form of resilience which consists of considering the model that we had by taking what is good and removing what is bad so to be the creator of your own model”continues our interlocutor.
According to a study conducted by Dr. Julian De Silva, a British cosmetic surgeon, it is at the age of 33 that women begin to look like their mothers. To reach this conclusion, he interviewed 2000 men and women. And for good reason, your thirties coincide with the moment when you become a mother. In Great Britain, the age of 33 corresponds to the birth of the first child. However, this is not inevitable.
If you don’t want to be like your mother, you can find your own identity in a more independent and fulfilled way. “What is important is to become aware of your repetition patterns, your fears and your insecurities. Psychological monitoring is often necessary to be able to gain distance and allow the beginning of differentiation”explains Sébastien Garnero. Concretely, we will change our routines, our little lifestyle habits and set certain limits in relation to our mother and ourselves, particularly if we find her too intrusive. The objective? “Having your own psychological space because the whole point is to be able to differentiate yourself from your parents by taking what is good in your values and your personality in order to create your own personal journey. It is also important to the mourning of one’s idealized mother, to accept and forgive her so as not to remain with her scarring wounds”concludes the specialist.
Thanks to Sébastien Garnero, clinical psychologist, sexologist and hypnotherapist in Paris.
