Dear girl,
today is an important day in which we will all try to tell you that love can never be violent.
How nice it would be if we could tell you for sure how to recognize dangerous people, if you ever have the misfortune of encountering them in your life. Unfortunately, however, there are no equal signals for everyone, nor even luminous indicators that raise the alarm. We are telling you about a mystery that terrifies us and for which we have no magical solutions to offer you.
In recent months I have read many writings by girls and boys your age and I was struck by how scared you are of love. Words that until a few years ago were used by few have become common use: narcissist, emotional dependence, manipulation, etc.
Talk about toxic love as a widespread and common experience. It seems strange to me that you, who are taking your first steps in the beautiful territory of love, can use such “heavy” words, which describe traumatic and pathological experiences that sometimes turn into tragedies.
On this special day, the first thing I want to tell you is that lLove is a beautiful thing, but deep down you already know this.
It is an adventure to be explored and to do so the only condition is to trust. To build a solid bond with someone you must open your heart, entrust pieces of your story to the other and welcome the story of others.
It’s a dance you learn when you’re little, the day you give your dearest teddy bear to a friend in the certainty that he or she will take care of it, when you confide the most intimate thoughts that torment you to find them well kept and a little less painful.
I have to be honest with you, trusting someone is never a zero-risk experience and precisely because we wish you a life without armor and barricades, we feel the duty to tell you what to watch out for.
Love is not a cage, those who love you must rejoice in your successes, they must not break when you walk away.
Anyone who wants you only for themselves and goes crazy if they see you feeling good with someone else is telling you that they are not ready to love. How many times have you heard yourself say “If he is jealous it means he cares a lot about you”.
Here’s a false myth to break down. Someone who is very jealous hides an uncontrolled fear of losing you and needs to constantly keep an eye on you because they haven’t learned to trust.
Love is possible between people who can stand on their own two feet, it’s not a rescue mission. “I’m with you because I have to save you” another false myth, if someone has a serious problem they must get help from specialists so that they can find a balance that makes them capable of loving and being loved.
I wish you the strength to get out of relationships that create discomfort and make you feel in danger. Know that asking for help is tiring. Deep fears arise about how the other person will react, how you will deal with the aftermath and much more but it is always worth doing.
It’s scary too helping those who live in unhealthy relationships means getting involved in complex and painful matters. Yet only united can we find the strength to say enough to all those relationships that have nothing of love and that every day hurt so much to those who experience them.
