Be good enough, meet expectations, aim for excellence … If these qualities can lead to success, they can also become a brake when they are pushed to the extreme.
Diana Paola, author of Good student syndrome (Ed. Diateino) and founder of the Beby method, deciphers this phenomenon and shares its advice to free it. Through his method based on Baby Stepsit offers concrete solutions to go beyond this syndrome and gain confidence.
How would you define the “ Bon student syndrome »In a few words? And why is this syndrome so widespread, especially in women?
Diana Paola: THE “Bon student syndrome”Is characterized by a constant need for validation, excessive perfectionism and fear of failure. It is a trap that leads to complying with the expectations of others, often to the detriment of its own desires and ambitions. This syndrome is particularly widespread in women because of the social and family pressures which push them to excel, to prove their value, and to always be up to expectations.
• Need for constant validation: The quest for recognition can become an engine of personal and professional development. But it can also be transformed into a spiral of self -criticism.
• Perfectionism: The desire to be perfect at all costs can hinder risk -taking and personal initiative.
• Social expectations: Women are often conditioned to excel in multiple roles (professionals, family, social). This strengthens this syndrome.
• Beby: My method, founded thanks to the studies of the Harvard Business Review, guides women in their journey towards self -confidence by allowing them to advance step by step, thanks to the Baby Steps. Small progressive efforts that lead to concrete results.
“The aspiration for excellence should never be done at the expense of our inner balance. »» – Diana Paola
You mention the social and family pressures that contribute to the syndrome. Can you tell us more?
Diana Paola: Social and family pressures play a fundamental role in the emergence of the good student syndrome. In many cultures, women are often seen as the guardians of perfection in their family and their professional environment. These unlike expectations generate internal pressure which becomes difficult to manage.
• Multiple roles: Women juggling various roles (mothers, wives, professional) where each of these spheres imposes high success standards.
• The weight of the transmission: They sometimes feel obliged to transmit values of success that can be exhausting.
• Social judgment: Society tends to judge women more severely who deviate from perfection standards. This creates a climate of constant stress. Thanks to approaches like the Beby method, which I founded, women learn to free themselves from these external expectations to gain confidence and assert themselves, whether in business or in their personal life.
“Freedom begins when you stop wanting to please everyone. » – Diana Paola
You speak of perfectionism and fear of failure. How do these elements manifest in business?
Diana Paola: In business, perfectionism and fear of failure often result in a reluctance to delegate, overload of work, and paralysis in the face of decision -making. This impacts not only personal well-being, but also collective productivity.
• Difficult delegation: For fear of losing control, it can be difficult for a woman in a leadership role to delegate tasks.
• Procrastination: It is the fear of failure that prevents action and taking initiatives.
• Stress and anxiety: The search for perfection can lead to professional exhaustion, loss of confidence and a feeling of stagnation. It is for this reason that the Beby method, which offers progressive steps through baby steps, helps reduce anxiety and focus on concrete actions to be carried out, without waiting for perfection.
“Perfectionism is an invisible burden that prevents us from achieving our real objectives. » – Diana Paola
Assertivity is one of the keys you offer. How to develop it concretely?
Diana Paola: Assertivity is above all knowing how to say “no” (and knowing how to say “yes”) without guilt and expressing your ideas and needs in a clear and respectful way. It allows you to install essential self -confidence to make decisions and face professional challenges.
• Regular practice: Starting with small actions, such as expressing your disagreement in a constructive way, helps strengthen confidence. The Beby method offers weekly tools that guide women, step by step, to become more assertive in their daily lives.
• Learn to respect yourself: Accept that we have limits and that our time and energy are precious.
• Model the assertiveness: Observing and learning from others that show assertiveness is a great way to strengthen your own skills. In the workshops that I organize, across 6 countries (France, Belgium, Canada, Switzerland, Luxembourg, etc.), for groups of entrepreneurs or teams, assertiveness is always at the heart of exchanges. It strengthens speaking and self -esteem.
“Assettivity is not a sign of aggression, but of respect for oneself and the others. » – Diana Paola
What strategies do you recommend to get out of the constant validation need?
Diana Paola: Freeing oneself from the need for validation begins with a work of reassessing external expectations and self -esteem. This requires understanding that we can flourish without external validation.
• Regain control: It is important to define your own criteria for success and satisfaction. With Beby, we are working on clear and realistic goals. All while integrating baby steps to move forward serenely and without pressure.
• Strengthen autonomy: Learn to make choices that resonate with our deep values and not only to please.
• Practice gratitude: Take the time to recognize your own achievements and celebrate yourself. During my workshops, I see that the participants, by learning to validate themselves, develop much more solid confidence. But also a clearer vision of their own success.
“Self -esteem is the most beautiful form of validation that can be offered. » – Diana Paola
For entrepreneurs and leaders, how to reconcile ambition and letting go?
Diana Paola: The balance between ambition and letting go is essential to avoid exhaustion and cultivate inspiring leadership. This involves conscious management of its objectives and acceptance of imperfection.
• Set clear objectives: The ambition feeds on vision, but it must be realistic and aligned with our values. The Beby method offers tools that help structure this ambition. But also to take concrete actions in short, medium and long term, while taking care of his well-being.
• Learn to delegate: Letting go involves confidence in your team and the ability to accept that everything is not perfect. During my workshops, we also approach letting go as an essential competence of leadership.
• Know how to detach yourself: Having a step is sometimes the best way to remain creative and strategic. This makes it possible to better prioritize and release mental space for strategic decision -making.
“Ambition and letting go are not opposed, but complementary in sustainable leadership. » – Diana Paola
If you were to give advice to women who suffer from this syndrome, what would it be?
Diana Paola: My advice would be to take the time to listen to and free yourself from external expectations. It is essential to understand that perfection is not an achievable objective. And that failure is part of the growth process.
It is also essential to request support, coaching, it’s for the best! With me, my Beby cabinet, founded in 2009, or an expert in the matter …
• Accept imperfection: Never be defined by his failures, but by his ability to bounce back. The Beby method is there to help integrate failures as learning stages, not like insurmountable obstacles.
• Focus on the essentials: Prioritize your needs and values before meeting the expectations of others. The workshops I offer to groups of entrepreneurs allow you to better understand where to put your energy. They also learn to say “no” so as not to get lost in external expectations.
• Cultivate self -compassion: Be benevolent with yourself and recognize your successes, small or large.
“The real success lies in the inner peace that we give ourselves, not in the perfection that we pursue. » – Diana Paola
