My 14 -year -old daughter for some time has been manifesting discomfort for its physical form. Supports of having to lose weight, Even if in our eyes (but I dare to say: in the eyes of all the others) it is not so. I discovered that Every now and then he gets rid of food – vomiting – In order not to feel guilty and when he feels nervous You burn small parts of skin or on the arm or on your hands.
Now I wonder if all this is normal in a sunny girl, open, surrounded by friends and with a older sister with whom she has a beautiful bond, In addition to a family that supports it in everything. Certain, Tell her in a nutshell who my daughter is not simple, But I assure you she is a wonderful girl.
Too bad that She describes herself as a failed girl, A disappointment for those who know it. As mom suffers when I feel her call herself a “true disgust”. And I don’t know how to help her see how it is and not as she believes she is.
Viviana
Dear Viviana, Your daughter needs specialist support. The type of symptoms you describe, i.e.or the self -induction of vomiting and the procuring microustons on the skin, is an indicator of a need that goes beyond the educational intervention of a mother.
Fourteen years is a bridge age that does transit from the time of pre -adolescence to that of adolescence. Your daughter probably entered the second grade secondary school this year. For girls, the release in the world is more complicated than ever, especially in relation to their experiences relating tobody image. In fact, they are found immersed in a world that constantly puts them in competition both within their social group and within the social world.
Everyone would like to appear perfect, to have a cover body. Instead, In adolescence, our body turns And, Looking for perfection, you are at the mercy of anxiety and negative feelings towards oneself, the physical form and the ideal of beauty. We are not we parents who can correct the symptoms associated with the inability of a daughter to focus, in her mind, the image of her body adequately and functional to her well -being.
A clinician is needed when the teenager tries to use do -it -yourself strategies such as the induction of the vomiting and then tends to control his anxiety with selfish behavior. As a parent you have to find the right distance from all this, just as Daniele Novara recommends in his new, beautiful book Spring (Bur Rizzoli), who invites us parents to stop excess maternalge that we offer to growing children, as long as they become Parents psychotherapists. If you seem to suffer too much like mom, ask for help too, in addition to getting your daughter help.
