Dear Nina! You bought the house in 2012, who was on board back then and how did that develop?
My husband and I looked at an apartment in an apartment building in early 2012 – the apartment was for sale. In the course of the conversation with the seller, it turned out that the entire house was for sale with all apartments.
We looked at everything and then spontaneously asked my parents on the way back from the car if they didn’t want to buy a big house with us and my parents just said “yes”. My sister also quickly came along.
Then it wasn’t exactly this house, but the second that we looked at and in which we all live until today. My brother -in -law was added nine years ago, two dogs lived here and now we have four children in the house. The oldest nine years old, the youngest half a year. Unfortunately, my father died recently, which changed the situation again, but also solidified.
Everyone has their own apartments. We have 116 square meters on two floors, my mother has 90 m2, my sister, my brother -in -law and the baby live on 70 m2. Each apartment has advantages, there is a terrace, a garden …
In total there are four children in the house, right? Is that the Bullerbü as I imagine?
Yes, that’s a bit Bullerbü. The children are at home everywhere and when there is a key from the outside in the apartment door, they can also go in everywhere after knocking. Incidentally, this rule applies not only to the children, but also to us adults.
In front of the school, the big ones always pick up a cocoa from Grandma and the uncle pulls z. B. in the afternoon with his nephew a new tire on the bike. In between, I take care of my little niece so that my sister can take a shower in peace. At irregular intervals and thank God without coercion or expectations, we all eat together, mostly with my mom because it has the greatest kitchen. Then the full life rages there and in the end we always turn on the television so that the adults can still eat the remains in peace.
You live quite rural, do you have long distances?
Yes, we live quite rural. However, we can reach various doctors, a pharmacy, a weekly market, a well -stocked kiosk, two restaurants and a french fries. That’s good. There will also be a supermarket on our street soon. The Herdeck city center can be reached 10 minutes away by car and reached Dortmund downtown in about 20 minutes. In addition, we are super quick on all relevant highways to get deeper into the Ruhrpott or the nearby Sauerland. Our big one, who is the only school child so far, goes to school in the neighboring city. We walk together to the bus stop in the morning and then he drives about 30 minutes to his school by public bus.
In the afternoon we pick it up again after the OGS by car. From this summer his sister will also be a school child, then the two will go back with their friends with the bus and then maybe then.
To what extent is your mother involved?
It is very active in child rearing. My father was also until his death. Twice a week, the kindergarten children bring them to kindergarten in the morning and if my husband and I have something together in the evening, they also take over the kids.
But it is even more important that the children always have another contact person and that you do not always have to pack all the children, for example to collect a child somewhere. For us it is these little things that there is always someone who just has an eye or ear on the children.
However, and I heard that in the Freundeskreis, I know some who live as we do: the grandparents are no longer interested in doing big things with the kids at the weekend to go to the swimming pool or Phantasialand. You see the children a lot in everyday life. And if the children are supposed to sleep at grandma, they sometimes come up again because they prefer to want to go to their own bed. This is the disadvantage of the proximity that blurs. And of course we all experienced the loss of my father and the grief of my mother. Of course, this is much harder when you are so tight. It is also good and good to accompany my mother in grief, she is not alone. But for us and especially for the children who were very tight with grandpa, it is also hard. There are traces everywhere.
What if someone needs freedom?
Then he takes her. In terms of living space, we only use one hallway together. All other areas are separated. We also have a community garden, which my husband and I use with our three children the most and which we also maintain and have. Here is our little summer house, which we have rebuilt so that we can sleep there. But here, too, my brother -in -law and sister celebrate pool parties or grilling with her friends if it gets too tight in your garden. Talking about it and being tolerant is the solution.
Hand on heart: How often do you get on your nerves?
Of course they get on my nerves! My children, my husband, quite normal. But we have enough places to withdraw, everyone has their closed living area and everyone can also say “no”. Nobody is obliged to participate in anything. And if there is a dispute, the others will get it with you, but everyone doesn’t care. My parents also argued, also loud. Then that’s the way it is, I think we all have a very healthy culture of argument in the family.
Our life model is shaped by the fact that you are authentic. And we all have a lot of love for freedom in us. Sometimes we don’t see each other for days, then it is like a normal apartment building. Each of us has his hobbies, a circle of friends, my sister travels a lot, everyone does his thing. And yes, we all eat together but sometimes I’m not there, for example, because I don’t feel like it. The key is to leave the others as they are. And not to have any claims.
It used to be the case that everyone flown out in the morning, the house was almost empty during the day. My dad retired early and was often alone here. This has changed over the Corona period, now my husband and I work freelance, I work a lot at home, my mom is also retired, my sister on parental leave. It’s really nice. But I think we have no topics as a family either. There are no unspoken feelings or construction sites or something, we always had a close, good, open relationship with my parents, who brought us very liberal. I moved out early, at 18 because I wanted to go. My sister still lived at home until she was 23. When we were all separated, she was least with my parents. And my husband has always got on well with everyone, he was the driving force in our multi-generation project.
How is it logistical? Do you all have your own washing machine, for example?
We have four washing machines! Four children – four washing machines, one dryer. All of this is in a shared laundry room, there is also a dryer. But everyone washes for themselves, only after the third child my mom helped laundry and household for a few months. Otherwise we have a workshop, because we completely fulfill the gender cliché. My dad was a craftsman, my husband is too. In the workshop we have all tools, ladders, drills – and that is quite a male domain.
Have you always been able to imagine such a model of life?
No! As a young woman, I couldn’t wait to live alone. Until the said call after the home tour, this residential model was never an issue – it is simply grown.
How long do you want to do that?
We have no plan. However, it may be that a house that is directly adjacent to ours will be free and we have right of first refusal. That would be perfect for us as a family of five, because our apartment will be scarce at some point. That would be a conceivable change. If it works, it will work if not, it is like that. But even then we would continue to live on the door. My mom definitely wants to stay in the apartment, but who knows! Maybe she will get to know someone again. And when we move to the other house, maybe someone else will move to it, we even have friends who would do it. These are people who fit into the construct. But then they would rent. The house should remain in family hands.
Our life model was a dream, especially in the Corona period. But it is also just wonderful for the parental leave when you often feel lonely. These not ending days with baby, it is so nice to not be alone and with adults. Even if children are sick, there is always a backup. And you can also leave the children alone if, for example, you go shopping and that are unmotivated. Grandma knows. These little freedoms are worth a lot!
I think that can be the most terrible form of living – or the most beautiful. There is nothing in between. I wouldn’t want to live differently again.
Thanks for the insights, Nina!
