In last night’s episode of Belve, Isabella Rossellini showed herself in all her beauty, moving with ease and lightness among Fagnani’s many questions. He told his life story, leaving us to understand his ability to love himself and love life. At the end of many words she was also asked about an abuse she experienced as a teenager. He said it took some time to become aware of this painful experience. Slowly he gave a name to the wound he felt he had suffered. She said she was deeply attracted to that boy and hoped to win him over but he then “imposed himself” in a way that hurt her a lot. «It took me a long time to understand that that was also abuse because basically I was there for a bit, I was courting him and then… then oh God…» and then he suggests a time of imbalance of power. His words did not make us think of an intimacy desired together, shared, explored at the same speed but rather of imposed, stolen, demanded gestures. This difference is clear but Isabella says that at the time she struggled to recognize it in herself as a boundary that she had the right to enforce.
Isabella, an icon of beauty and elegance, did not go into the details of that story, but he wanted to send a message to girls (and I would say to boys too). The awareness of what he had suffered came slowly and was a painful process to process. From his testimony emerges a very important and timely preventive message: loving and desiring the other is a beautiful tension which must however always be lived with mutual respect. In adolescence the body vibrates with desire, is very sensitive to stimuli and is naturally in need of feeling appreciated and attracting others. Within this dance of seduction, boys and girls mark their discovery and recognition. I like to imagine Isabella as a sixteen year old, I see her as beautiful, capable of enchanting everyone’s gaze, I see her moving in the world with an enchanted aura and at the same time, I imagine her as fragile and fearful in understanding how and when to put herself and her body into play in relationships with others. An important step towards adulthood which needs points of reference.
What acts as a compass is, above all, the control unit that everyone has inside themselves, an invisible compass that lets our body speak and tells us when physical contact makes us feel good or when it makes us uncomfortable. What we sense from Isabella’s words is that the much desired boy suddenly became an oppressive presence, someone who asked for more than she was willing to put on the line. She says she wasn’t able to push him away or to report and who knows how many people like her suffer in silence.
Thank you Isabella for reminding us that loving is a dance which requires you to tune your steps and move to the rhythm of a shared melody. And who knows, maybe someone, listening to you, will find the courage to say no.
