“It all clicked when I collapsed dead drunk at the vows ceremony at Vinci’s”

On the occasion of Dry January of 2020, we met Laurence Cottet, ex-alcoholic who became a patient-expert in addiction. Laurence Cottet is President of the French association Janvier Sobre, at the initiative of “Alcohol-free month” in Franceequivalent of “Dry January” in England. “The month of January is the first of the year. That of good resolutions that we make to get off to a good start and leave behind the excesses of the past year… and in particular the recent parties which were sometimes too drunk!” argues the association on its site. Here is the story of Laurence Cottet.

Le Journal des Femmes: You suffered from alcoholism, when did it start?

Laurence Cottet: Alcoholic illness took hold in me while I was 15-16 years old. I didn’t realize it and especially those around me were also in denial about this illness because they didn’t know about it. We were among groups of friends, we started the evenings at 7 p.m. and ended them at 5 a.m., our heads in the bucket. It was an alcoholism that took hold much more slowly than today with the fashion for binge drinking*, but the result was the same. I remember having ethyl comas but we did not realize the danger.

“At 25 I fell headlong into the trap.”

I managed as best I could because I had a very good physical constitution, I recovered after 24 hours of sleep but it was better to start again three to four days later in a festive, friendly then student and This is how alcohol dependence slowly developed.

How did the disease progress afterwards?

Laurence Cottet: From 15 to 25 years old, it was “bites” that we took almost every weekend. At 25, I entered a professional environment and started a career in construction, I am lawyerin a sector where good bottles circulate and I fall headlong into the trap. I taste it during business meals, seminars, professional trips, conferences. I work hard but the alcohol, the open bars paid for by the company, I know them and that’s howat 36 I become an alcoholic that’s to say sick of alcohol (she is now 60 years old, editor’s note).

How much did you drink per day?

Laurence Cottet: When you are an alcoholic, the doses are quite considerable.

“I drank two to three bottles of wine a day.”

At the time, I was barely 50 kilos, I drank two and a half to three bottles of wine or champagne per day or a bottle of vodkait was my favorite alcohols. Alcohol was a obsessionwe take advantage of every opportunity to drink it and the opportunities presented themselves to me very easily in this professional context.

What is your worst memory while under the influence of alcohol?

Laurence Cottet: My worst memory was in China in Tian’anmen Square. I was at a conference where I had to represent my company, Vinci. I found myself dead drunk on the square and I no longer knew how to find my hotel. I struggled until finally, in broken and drunken English, I found someone to take me back. I could have been raped, it was the worst moment I have experienced, I would never want to relive it, it remained ingrained in me and I will not forget it. Thanks to this memory I have no desire to start again (to drink, editor’s note).

You were addicted to alcohol but also to sport, it’s surprising, how do you explain it?

Laurence Cottet: Excessive sport allowed me to lose the calories I took in with alcohol, I put on 4000 to 5000 calories per day, and I was physically exhausted, especially on weekends when I worked out from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. And by 5:30 p.m., I was drinking.

“I only fed myself with alcohol”

I had fallen into alcoholorexiaI no longer ate, I only nourished myself with alcohol, I wanted to stay thin, I was a senior executive, I had an elegant and slender look, I did not want to gain weight. Sport also allowed me to occupy my time, I did violence to punish myself for drinking again knowing that I always thought that in the evening I was not going to drink. But I fell in every time because I was sick. It was no longer a question of will.

What was the trigger that made you realize that you had to stop drinking and take care of yourself?

Laurence Cottet: The turning point came on January 23, 2009 at 12:30 p.m. when I collapsed dead drunk at the vows ceremony at Vinci in front of 650 senior executives. I lose my dignity as a woman in a fraction of a secondI would have liked to hide in a little mouse hole when it was obvious public drunkenness. The memory I have is that I stay on the ground for a long time, few people come to me to help me up, they are so horrified,

“I collapsed dead drunk at the vow ceremony in front of 650 senior executives.”

I also do a burnout, I couldn’t take it anymore, I had been trying to get out of it for several months, I was knocking on the wrong doors, I was wasting time. And that’s the trigger, it will take several hours for me to realize what has happened, I will be taken back to my office and I will have an epileptic attack. I’m lucky to have escaped, I could very well have died. They should have driven me home, maybe even sent me to the ER but oI was taken back to my office and left stranded and the party continued without me. I found myself with 2 grams or more of alcohol in the blood, I went down to the basement to find my company car and I drove 40 kilometers on the ring road to go home. Of course, I have my share of responsibilities and they were absolutely right, 3 days later, to fire me in due form but if I tell this story it is to explain that if you (employers, editor’s note) have spotted an employee in distress and having difficulty with alcohol, you must accompany them on a path of care and not wait for them to fall.

Can loved ones of someone addicted to alcohol help them and how?

Laurence Cottet: We must have a kind and compassionate thought for those close to us because they suffer enormously when faced with an alcoholic person and are often in distress themselves. What I tell them is that, unfortunately, the alcoholic person will not listen to you so don’t exhaust yourself too much, don’t feel guilty about not being able to do anythingdistance yourself and, if necessary, also be accompanied because there is a codependency phenomenon which means that you can also fall into illness indirectly. Get in touch with recovered sick people and discussion groups open for you. like Alcoholics Anonymous, and talk to your doctor about it. He may have the word that will do good and be patient.

How did you manage to get out of it?

Laurence Cottet: While I wanted to commit suicideI didn’t do it and I came home the next day (January 24, 2009, editor’s note) in a church at 6:30 p.m. It was the Saint-Pierre de Montrouge church (Hauts-de-Seine).

“A kind of force entered me and I wanted to escape.”

There it clicked again. I have communicatedit had been a very long time since I had done it and when I came out at 7 p.m., a kind of force came into me and I wanted to get out of it. I returned home, I emptied all the bottles of alcoholI prepared a sweet hot chocolate for myself and I rediscovered the taste of sweet chocolate, I who had lost it for years becausealcohol destroys your five senses. Something must have happened, I didn’t have delirium tremens, I didn’t have an epileptic seizure, I weaned alone and 10 days later I was taken care of by an addiction doctor and there I took care of myself. It’s necessary 6 months for you to regain calmserenity, so that the alcohol vapors evaporate from your body while I was dead drunk every night for 15 years. I was accompanied by the doctor and much later I had a heavy psychotherapy with a female psychiatrist who helped me treat the deep suffering who hid behind the mask of alcohol and other drugs. Because it wasn’t just the alcohol. Alcohol was the main psychoactive substance but it was necessary to add a little cocaine and psychotropic drugsa lot.

What were your tools to rebuild yourself?

Laurence Cottet: When we have had a burnout, when we hit rock bottom, the puzzle of your life is shattered so you need a psychiatrist or a psychologist to help you put together a new puzzle and to put the little pieces back together. Reconstruction involves the discovery of a new personality and giving meaning to one’s life.

“I changed jobs, I changed regions, I changed friends,”

I changed jobs, I changed region, I changed friends, I have a fight that I am passionate about and it takes time. I take care of mistreated animals, I take in lost dogs, I find them a shelter, I forget everything in these cases. This is part of the reconstruction. When we have lost everything, we cling to simple things and when we feels useful to something, it’s the better recognition. There nature helps me too, I walk a lot. I also do meditation. Not having found a new job has given me time to heal because I am not afraid to say that I feel healed.

How long have you been sober?

Laurence Cottet: Since January 24, 2009 at 7 p.m. (15 years, editor’s note).

Do you think you will be cured “forever”?

Laurence Cottet: In relation to alcohol yes. In relation to the disease that was hidden behind alcohol, that is to say the depressionI am very careful. I no longer have any medication protocols at the moment.I learned to know what is good for me and what is not. I learned to spot toxic people, to put the necessary distance to protect myself and at the slightest alert, if necessary, I make an appointment with the psychiatrist. We must not be afraid of the suffering, of the mental illnesses which affect women, we must accept them, treat them.

You have written several books about your journey, for what purpose?

Laurence Cottet: People are insufficiently informed about alcoholic disease. This is the fight I am leading to make 67 million French people aware that this disease exists, that it can strike anyone, that it is not shameful, that we can treat ourselves and ‘get out of it. I found writing as a support to fight this fight. I experienced an illness that made me lose everything and I took the time to treat myself, to rebuild myself and I got through it, it’s a resilience journey. I gave another meaning to my life which is to dedicate myself to this fight and I have never been so serene and happy.

*mode of consumption which consists of drinking alcohol occasionally but as quickly as possible and in large quantities.

Comments collected on December 3, 2019.