Our teens do not spare us and their sometimes murderous sentences confuse us, amuse us and sometimes hurt us. But what do these seemingly harmless sentences hide? Vincent Joly’s answers, psychologist.
Even when everything is going well, adolescence remains a period of great upheavals. Sometimes with important communication difficulties and the impression of no longer speaking the same language. Disputes and tensions are more frequent, with teenagers on one side in search of freedom and the other of parents sometimes slightly outdated. As for the sentences balanced by the teenagers by slamming the door, it would be wrong to sweep them with a backhand. “”These apparently harmless sentences, said without thinking, are ultimately more sense of meaning than a well -controlled discourse“Confirms Vincent Joly, psychologist and therapist.
“I don’t have all my time like you”, “I never have the right to relax!”
The question of time is for example central. As the psychologist reminds us, the adults themselves run after time. They express their fatigue, complain of lacking time. “It is therefore a questioning that concerns both teenagers and their parents”, Note Vincent Joly, who also recalls the importance of the physiological dimension. Take 10 cm per year is exhausting! “”Teens have sleep needs very close to those of children, but the contemporary habits of a very stimulating world (screens, leisure, etc.) are not compatible with that “recalls the psychologist. On the one hand, there are adults harassed by responsibilities, and on the other the teenagers who grow and also feel pressured by daily life. Finally, everyone would like to sleep more and have time to relax. But parents believe that their teens have sweet life, while the latter feel overwhelmed with constraints! An insoluble debate.
“We live like the poor”, “You are radins!”
“Some teenagers are taken by this contemporary fascination for rapid financial success. We should succeed quickly, at any cost”, explains Vincent Joly. Teens are positioned in relation to this message, judge themselves, and judge their parents, in terms of this morality. “This comparison effect is rather sad. Because it does not only concern social success, but also the image of the body”adds the psychologist. And then, how can we understand that you have to work every day to get a salary, sometimes tighten their belts, while influencers convey a completely different philosophy on social networks?
“Mom, you’re embarrassing!”
That the teenager’s parent who has never heard this sentence raises his hand. “Adolescence is a period of individualization. We will gradually conquer its autonomy and take distance from the family cocoon”, explains the psychologist. “We rely on a group of peers while being distinguished from parents“, He adds. The teenager learns social norms, he seeks to please others. But he also likes to shave the walls, not to attract attention, so what worse for him than to see his mother sing with a loud tank during an evening, or even try a joke during a parents/teacher appointment!
“You only think about you”
“It is a sentence that parents also pronounce“Recalls the psychologist. “There is often in families this bad image of selfishness which circulates, and that each project on the other”he adds. Hard hard when the teenager to whom his parents devote a lot of time suddenly considers that they are selfish on the pretext that they sometimes want to agree. “”It is important that parents also think of them, do not forget themselves“, insists Vincent Joly. Everyone must be aware of the other, without using it as a servant.
Thanks to Vincent Joly, psychologist and psychotherapist.
