Psychology proves that it is possible to change how you feel about someone without even having to talk to them.
It’s difficult to get along with someone you don’t get along with. And our brains don’t help us. Every day it classifies the individuals we encounter as: “friendly”, “neutral” or “hostile”. The problem: Once a person is labeled as annoying, our brains enter a vicious cycle. In each encounter, we only expect the bad, which generates anticipatory stress and reinforces our aversion. This “label” prevents us from seeing the positive aspects of others. But a study published in the journal Nature Communications proves that we have the power to “reprogram” our emotional circuits to better appreciate people who irritate us.
To understand how to break this cycle, researchers asked participants to associate real people with positive or negative social experiences, while observing their brain activity using MRI scans. The results show that the brain does not just learn through experience. It uses a mechanism called “prediction error” to update the value it places on someone. Clearly, if the brain expects something negative but receives something positive, it readjusts its judgment. “Experiences shape our preferences, comment the authors, and our results indicate that participants developed a preference for people with whom they had imagined pleasant events.”
This is where the scientists’ trick lies: in positive mental simulation. Concretely, to support someone better, you have to trick the brain by associating positive thoughts with that person. The exercise is simple: isolate yourself for two minutes and imagine a positive and warm interaction with the person who annoys you. Visualize her smiling at you, helping you or sharing a moment of laughter with you over a good coffee. The study shows that this simple mental repetition creates a “reward” in the brain. The latter records this pleasure as real data and updates the person’s “file”, making them rise in your estimation. “Imagination can thus contradict our own expectations” confirm the researchers.
How can a simple thought carry so much weight? Neuroscience explains that the neural circuits involved in imagination and real perception overlap. By simulating a pleasant scene, you activate the same reward areas as if the scene had actually occurred. This is not magical thinking, but neuroplasticity: you train your brain to associate this person’s face with a softer emotion, thus decreasing your emotional reactivity and your cortisol (the stress hormone) level to them.
Integrating this practice into your wellness routine can transform your daily relationships. Whether at work, at home, with family or friends, enjoying better social relationships is essential to overall health. By learning to imagine those around us differently, we give ourselves an additional chance to soothe a relationship. And we don’t do it for others, but first and foremost for ourselves.
