Very intimidating personality, the dominant likes to take and keep control over the other. “Dominant personalities never work as equals with others. As soon as they come into relation, they try to be above” explains Christel Petitcolin, speaker and personal development trainer. The dominants are permanently, whether in the intimate or professional sphere. Yet, “We must demystify the dominant”says the expert. “We see them all-powerful, when they are very archaic and immature people.” It is very easy to destabilize them.
The dominant often provides a feeling of discomfort. Their strong ego makes them sufficient, sometimes contemptuous. “They can cut off, make the other understand that he is nonexistent, uninteresting …” continues our interlocutor. Their goal is clear: to disqualify the word of the other, even if it means changing his remarks. And unfortunately for them, they are in the illusion of having understood everything about life and to be privileged. “They are not able to achieve what they lose: humanity, human warmth. They are very alone without realizing it”notes the expert.
To cope with a dominant, non-verbal language is essential. You have to put yourself at your physical level: get up if it is standing, adopt a similar posture and look calmly in the eyes, or between the eyebrows if it is easier. “If he manages to destabilize you, he has won. If you do not show any emotion, he has no taking”warns Christel Petitcolin. He will always try to establish a certain infantilizing familiarity, by tutying in situations that do not require or giving nicknames. To destabilize it, nothing like refusing this familiarity. “I recommend keeping the vouvoyer in all situations because it puts away.” The perfect sentence to say to the dominant is then: “I prefer to see each other.” In the same vein, if he allows himself to call you “my pretty”, “my darling”, “my pullet” or “my little one”, just remind him: “I am not your little one, I am Madame Durant.”
After staring at him, don’t let yourself be intimidated by his anger. “As he does not know how to manage frustration, he has a rage crisis”says the specialist. This means that he has lost control. In general, the dominant likes conflict. Destabilizing it can push him to want to start one with you. He will stay in the subjective and the emotional when he speaks “So you, you have to stay in the factual”even if it means repeating the information several times in the conversation. For example, if a dominant cuts you off, tell you: tell him: “I hear what you say, that’s your opinion. I let you end but I will take up what I was explaining.”
Thank you to Christel Petitcolin, speaker and trainer in personal development, specialist in climates of grip and manipulation and author of “escape the manipulators” (ed. Guy Trédaniel).
