As a parent, we grop, we wonder, we sometimes let ourselves overflow. What if, to better understand our children, we must first understand the main stages of their brain development? We take stock with Erwan Deveze, author of the book “24h in your child’s brain” at Larousse editions.
The little girl who is angry in a store, her big brother who comes back alcoholic from an evening with friends, the baby who throws his plate on the ground without discontinuous. Do these scenes tell you something? It’s normal, you are a parent! All these behaviors actually have a reason for being and are the fruit of brain immaturity of children. Knowledge does not necessarily make them easier to understand, but allows them to be tackled differently. “”You should not ask for the impossible of the brain of a child, but rather try to understand it to find an adapted response “, precise Erwan Devèzeadvisor in neuroscience and management, and author of the book “24 hours in your child’s brain”, At Larousse editions.
The different stages of brain development
THE Brain of a human being continues to develop gradually, until the age of 25. The specialist confirms that the first difficulty comes mainly from the fact that the brain of emotions and that of reason do not develop in a synchronized way. “”One must weigh the other, but depending on the age of the child, it is simply not possible not possible“. During the first years and until the age of 3 or 4, the brain of reason is immature, which will frequently cause crises, anger, or even sadness. intense emotions that the child is not able to control. Everything then takes on proportions that we, parents, find irrational.
How to explain the whims of a child?
The gesture of a child who will throw his spoon or glass on the ground 10 or 20 times can be interpreted as a whim or a sign of rebellion. For Erwan Devèze, a completely different mechanism is actually at work. “”The child needs to experiment. Neuronal circuits are already in place, but by repeating this gesture, the child wants to observe the consequences. I’m doing this, it’s happening. This is how he will create new brain circuits to better understand his environment“, He explains. The immaturity of the prefrontal cortex, responsible in particular for control of impulses and weighting, is once again central.”We will find her in adolescence When hormonal flows will come back to set fire to the powder“, Specifies the specialist. The adolescent will then be under a fire nourished by emotions and multiplies the behaviors at risk. Behind all this, hides the famous pressure of conformism:”L‘teen will need to establish her social position within the group, a bit like in a pack“. The emotional brain encourages the need to assert itself, but also to test its own limits, discovering the world beyond its usual circle. But then,, How to react? What is the best attitude to adopt in the face of behaviors that we do not understand? For Erwan Devèze, the answer is final: “You need patience!“”
Faced with the crisis: patience and unconditional love
Even with the best will in the world, it is sometimes difficult to keep calm in the face of a crying child, hits or shouts. If one is instinctively aware that being angry in turn is not the right solution, how to find in yourself the resources necessary to act differently? Accepting that the child thus reacts because, very often he is not able to take otherwise, is already a first step. “”There is no need to raise your voice, it is useless, quite the contrary. By overacting the emotional brain, this reaction will worsen the situation“, Confirms Erwan Devèze. The best answer is therefore that of patience and emotional security, essential for good brain development. “”Unconditional love is the key. Being benevolent, that does not mean letting do anything, but rather to make sure to support the cognitive and emotional development of the child by observing it and being listening to him“, Adds the specialist. He notably evokes the example of spanking, which he considers a real nonsense.”On the neuroscientific level, it is absurdity. This is how we must consider spanking and not from the moral angle of good or evil. Spanking is an obstacle to development. To better understand and educate our children we must just move away from morality to go towards knowledge and knowledge“.
How to talk to children?
The specialist also recommends speak frankly to childrenespecially adolescents which would have risky behaviors. “”We must talk to them about the associated risks, tell them that in their age, the massive absorption of alcohol or certain substances can have deleterious effects on their brain“. Educationalrather than being permanently in the balance of power, parents must focus on what is going: “It is okay to play video games as long as it’s not 5 hours a day. Just as it does not matter that a child refuses for a time to eat certain foods. You have to trust the children and tell them because it is important for their development that they know that their parents believe in them. ”
Leave children the opportunity to be bored
Erwan Devèze also warns against certain educational drifts : “imust promote curiosity, but without putting children’s pressure“. A difficult balance to reach the era of over-solicitation and the need to nourish the brain of children by varying activities.”Often, it is a projection of parents who try to catch up with something. Children evolve in a context of hypercompressitivity in which they are permanently evaluated. But you also have to accept that children do nothing! The brain needs rest to develop well“. This elitist culture, which values children for their intelligence, does not actually render service to anyone and will create anxiety in children who is not in psychic and emotional capacity to live this pressure:”The child must be valued on effort and not on intelligence, of which there are very varied forms. And above all, we must also let the child develop as he wishes, and accept it for what it is“Concludes the specialist.
