Why does my child say “no” to everything?

There opposition phasealso nicknamed the period of “no”occurs in most young children, generally From the age of 18 months. This is an important step in child developmentduring which Your toddler asserts himself moreseek to haveautonomy And uses the famous “no” almost all about it. For parents, this period can be difficult to understand and manage as emotions and crying sometimes vary overnight. Psychologist Céline Masmonteil shares her advice to react serenely in the face of this period of NO.

At what age the opposition phase in children begins?

In children, the opposition phase generally occurs between the age of 18 months and 3 years, It is for this reason that it is sometimes called the “Terrible Two” which is triggered around the 2 years of the child! “The opposition phase is a perfectly normal step in the development of the child. On the contrary, we must worry not to see her express himself “, Céline Masmonteil explains to us.

“The opposition phase is a normal step in the development of the child. On the contrary, we must worry not to see her express himself.”

How long does NO period last in a child?

The no period can last several months as a few years. In general, it lasts until the child’s 3 years.

Why baby says “no” to everything?

This no periodwhich can be akin to a small adolescence crisisis above all the expression in children “of a need to assert oneself in the confrontation“, Details the expert. Growing up, the language of the child develops, he thus realizes that he is an individual in its own right and”He discovers his autonomy at the same time as he becomes aware of his dependence“, She adds.

On the one hand, there is everything he wants to do alone, and on the other hand, the reality of what he is able to do. As a result, as soon as an obstacle puts itself on its way, he lives it as a disaster. Psychologist Céline Masmonteil compares this state to a real emotional storm : “The child turns red, he is hot and hits his feet. The expression of his anger is above all physical“She comments.

Why is the opposition phase useful for the child?

Even if this opposition phase is sometimes difficult to pass, it is actually essential in the construction of the child. “”This step, very structuring for the future, is indicative of its singularity, the affirmation of his personality and his needs. She is exciting, because the child becomes aware of his place in the world and the impact that his reactions have on others. But it is also scary because it confronts frustration and a simple reality principle : we cannot do what we want“, underlines the specialist. This is precisely where parents come in, the role of which will be both to help the child understand his emotions, but also to impose certain limits for him.

“This step, very structuring for the future, is indicative of its singularity, the affirmation of his personality and his needs”.

During the no period, parents are often helpless in the face of their children’s crises. They do not know how to react and sometimes fear being wrongly. “”Parents wonder a lot and there is a real question of the legitimacy of the function of authority. ‘I have the right to limit this? Are I going to traumatize it? ‘“, lists the expert. However, she wants to reassure parents: “”You have a responsibility, that of making limits to the omnipotence of your child. By resisting in front of his anger and aggressiveness, you show him that you are present. And what could be more reassuring for a child to feel that his parent holds up? “

Help her child express his emotions

First of all, the expert advises to help the child put words on what he feelstalking to him about what he is living. “”You are angry, you are very angry, I understand it. But we can’t always do what we want. “ You have to explain to him that you understand his anger, but also to tell him why he must put a coat to go out, or why he cannot have a candy just before going to the table.

Find alternatives

When the child feels frustrated at not having what he wants, you can at that time offer an alternativelike a piece of carrot for example if you are preparing the entrance. It is important to remain positive and not to close the dialogue.

Reassure the child

If the child is in the midst of a crisis, the best is to wrap him and contain him gently, to reassure himbut also to prevent it from being bad or hurt others. Then, it will be necessary to chat with him on what has just happened. Good authority is the one who says “I can’t let you do anything “, declares the psychologist.

Teach the child to repair his nonsense

You have to teach him that express angerby giving him the words, but also encouraging him to “repair” when he makes nonsense: “Store the room, repair stupidity or everything This will prevent him from feeling guilt after the fact“, Céline Masmonteil ad.

Why should we react during the opposition phase?

There is a real risk not to learn to the child to control his emotions and manage his frustration. He must understand that, if he is not guilty of his emotions, the latter must however be regulated. By not reacting, the parent somehow puts his child in danger. “”There is nothing more tyrannical than a child who feels responsible for authorityan authority based on anxiety. This can lead to real discomfort, but also relationship difficulties and endangerment outside the reassuring family framework. At the crèche, at school or in his future life, these overflows take on a whole different dimension ” insists the psychologist.

“There is nothing more tyrannical than a child who feels responsible for authority. This can lead to relationship difficulties.”

Moreover, The child is very sensitive to the attitude of his parents. Difficult indeed for him to understand that he must say hello when entering a store if you yourself do not … The parent must be consistent in his words and his attitude : “Tap on the hand of a child to tell him that we do not hit, shouting on a child to tell him not to shout, that makes no sense!“Recalls the psychologist. Parent’s word must also be credible. “Lhe blackmail is ineffective! If you say something, you have to go to the end, take it absolutely“Insists the specialist.

Thanks to Céline Masmonteil, psychologist in Paris.