What are the important links that are forged in childhood and when can we talk about friendship? Decryption.
From his birth, The baby discovers the world around him, namely his parents, but above all his Mom ! She is the first person with whom the infant interacts, we can even speak ofromantic. Then comes the siblings. It is indeed with his brothers and sisters that he develops “The first emotional links, the first socialization” explains Simone Gerber* in her book “Love and childish friendships”*. Complicity, rivalry … Emotions develop in this mini-company. The unique children, for their part, bind rather with their cousins and, if they do not, with the little ones of their parents.
3-4 years: the first friends
After having an overview of community life at the crèche or with a childminder, the baby enters the heart of the socialization with Entrance to kindergarten. He is in full learning human relationships. Between 3 and 4 years oldthe child has his first friends. But not easy to choose your friends so small: their affinities for an activity bring them together or they played together on the day of the start of the school year and continue by habit. During this period, toddlers learn to respect the other. Play together, lend, wait for your turn and do it together: so many concepts to integrate when until then, the child was still in a fairly exclusive diagram.
5 years: a sometimes excessive bond
At this age, friends become very important And are all the more so that they have a role in the construction of the identity of the child. The alliance between a small terror and a wise child is not uncommon. The little ones are looking for accomplices To go on an adventure, to have experiences that they do not want to do alone. The risk in a duo where one is fascinated by the other is hyper-identification, or when the small chef has the grip on his boyfriend. If you have the impression that this is the case for your child, make an appointment with the mistress to really know what it is at school. And then, why not invite the friend to the house to observe the duo? May parents be reassured: at this age, Excessive friendship pIn a period can also be transformed into brutal disinterest.
After 6 years: a friendship synonymous with passion
After the period 3/6 years which marks the Oedipus complex, and before puberty, the child enters what is called in psychoanalysis, The latent phase“A period when it opens on the outside“Indicates the psychiatrist Richard Buferne. After 6 years, we can talk about first friendships. Same adult, we remember the first names and names of his childhood friends. Besides, the pediatrician Simone Berger specifies: “The complicity born between children at this age (Editor’s note: 8/12 years) leaves traces for the whole life, so feelings are strong and the passions exclusive. ” The friends invent secret codes, rituals between them. The groups are formed around the same taste for a game, an extracurricular activity in common. Even if mimicry and identification with the other is great around 8 years old, relationships can show the child his difference and prove to him that he is unique.
Very strong links between two children
Between 8 and 12 years old, Friendship brings together same -sex children unlike kindergarten. “The friend serves as an idealized double: we look at each other in the other and this mirror construction gradually gives the sufficient notch to exist by oneself”, explains Simone Berger. When they become independent compared to their parents, children have passionate feelings, so much so that sometimes we can speak of exclusive friendship, a friendship that works by pair. In his book, Doctor Simone Gerber adds: “These lovers of love, which last until adolescence, represent an essential step in the construction of emotional life; They give the forces to then face otherness. ”
Integration into a school and the risk of rejection
With entry to primary school, mockery and jealousies are rudder. Some children are rejected by a group and feel very alone. “These first discharges can trigger the first” big sorrows “” “specifies Simone Gerber.
Others prefer to be alone by choice. Parents often panic on his future and his future social life but as the pediatrician says: “Loneliness at one point does not bother a loneliness” forever “”.
Integration into a new school
Arrival in a new school can be difficult to live for a child: it must quit his friends And make new. The ideal during a move is to arrive at the start of the school year so that your child is not considered the “new new one” which takes place in the middle of the year. If necessary, it is important that parents speak to the teacher of the child and his character. She will present him to his class and to his future school friends. Integration is done to the rhythm of the little one. This change of life can be very difficult to live, so parents must be present, ask if new friends have made … but even if it is necessary to encourage his little to socialize, there is no need to force him to talk about it. Let him come to you to tell you about his new meetings.
The role of parents
“”The best learning that we can give to our children in matters of love and friendship remains our own behaviors vis-à-vis close beings that are dear to us. It is through our actions (…) in society that the child learns“, This is said! Parents therefore have an essential role in learning but cannot force things or be intrusive in the relational life of their children. They must listen to it, be present, show him that they are by his side and support him in all situations. Parents are the first examples that children have in front of them. Relationships of friendships between adults therefore show children, that is to be friends, Perpetuated throughout life.
