The anger that explodes without warning, the rivalries between brothers and sisters who degenerate or even the requests for attention that ends up … The three bucket method may well change the situation.
As parents, we all know moments of tension where we feel short of solutions. Some choose to raise their tone, others try to reason or divert attention, but the result is often the same: nothing really changes. A new educational approach, imagined by two teachers and already adopted by thousands of families, promises to transform this daily life strewn with pitfalls. Invented by Sonia Vincent and Lou Leforestier-Milburn, this method first was born on Instagram, before taking the form of a book published in September 2025. The two authors, themselves mothers, relied on their personal experiences and their professional practice with many children.
Their objective: to offer parents a middle way, neither too permissive nor too strict, which allows to set a clear frame without shouting or feeling guilty. A way of giving adults their place as educators, while respecting the needs of children. The founders explain that many parents oscillate between two extremes: authoritarian severity on the one hand and so -called “positive” education on the other, sometimes experienced as an injunction to remain calm in all circumstances, even when the situation is tense. They plead for a third way, “An education of a third kind, neither too positive nor too strict, but resolutely balanced”. In this context, they then offer 25 visual action plans, designed to support children from zero to ten years in their most difficult behavior.
The scenarios discussed oscillate between a child who provokes, a brother who jealous of his sister, a little one who refuses to cooperate, a boy who is constantly seeking to attract attention. These situations are described without detours and accompanied by concrete responses. The ambition is clear: allowing parents to find a firm authority, but devoid of cries and threats, and above all to understand what is hidden behind these repeated crises. The authors recall that “Children’s difficult behaviors are often clumsy attempts to meet a need.” It is precisely this observation that served as a starting point for the method they built.
Very concretely, this method, baptized that of the three buckets, consists in seeing each crisis as the signal of an unmet need rather than whim, an affront or a provocation. These needs are distributed in three distinct categories, symbolized by three buckets: one corresponds to the need for love and emotional security, another to that of recognition and power to act, the last with that of attention and presence. When the child manifests difficult behavior, it is enough to identify which bucket is empty and to try to fill it. A logic that transforms the balance of power into a gesture of understanding, without giving in on the educational framework.
Far from signifying laxity, this posture makes it possible to restore the balance: the frame remains firm, but it is based on a better understanding of the functioning of the child. By filling out the right buckets, we defuse crises, we reduce the frequency of conflicts and we build, over time, a more peaceful and fulfilled relationship between parents and children.
