When a child is targeted by an insult, he often has only two reflexes: to be silent or return. Here is a rather original alternative, without violence or humiliation.
School lessons are not tender. A word, a nickname, a mocking laugh and everything can switch. The injured child does not always know how to react. Some lower their heads, others reply, sometimes violently. In both cases, it is often the one who attacks who gains in insurance and the one who receives who loses confidence. To break this circle, a parenting expert offers a constructed response, that any child can learn. A answer that puts things in their place without hurting anyone, but without letting anything pass either. His goal: to give the child to master the situation.
Laurie Gozlan, followed by thousands of parents on Instagram via her account @_petit_deviera_grand_, shared a technique which she describes as “perfect” to defuse attacks. It is a series of sentences designed to bring down the tension, while forcing the aggressor to face his words. The approach is deliberately structured. It begins with a polite request, continues with a direct remark and ends with an unexpected sentence. Each step has a clear goal.
The first is used to break the effect of surprise, often which gives all its strength to the insult. It is a question of retorting: “Excuse me, can you repeat what you just said? I haven’t heard of course.” Indeed, by asking the other to repeat the subject, it creates a break, a kind of white. It’s a way of saying: “Do you want to hurt me? Assume clearly.” In many cases, according to Laurie Gozlan, this one step is enough. The other is deflated. There is no longer any reaction to provoke, no more emotion, more audiences to impress.
But if the aggressor repeats, there is a second, more direct response, which shows that the child does not allow himself to be embarked and reverse the roles. Here, the specialist recommends formulating this sentence: “Ok, this time I heard. It did you good to tell me that?”. Here, it is the other who then appears vulnerable, as if he were looking for a form of attention or recognition through the insult. And if the aggressor continues, then the last step is designed to close the scene with humor, while fixing a clear limit. This time, it is no longer a question of defending yourself, but to say stop: “What you told me was poop. It’s your poop and I will not take it, because it stinks. Next time, if you don’t want me to give you my poop too, keep yours. THANKS.”
A method allowing the child to remain worthy, calm, without putting himself in the attack or weakness position. She gives him a framework, a support to react without having to knock, without having to be silent. She does not try to make the child stronger than the others, but to help him not feel small in the face of assault.
