Far from being a simple lack of enthusiasm, this rejection of the holidays often hides a childhood wound that remains raw. Psychologist Hugues Simard deciphers this phenomenon and explains why our past sometimes invites itself to the New Year’s Eve table.
For many, Christmas isn’t magical. On the contrary, it is an intense source of stress, discomfort and even anxiety. “Christmas has become a polarizing time, both organizationally and emotionally, and it seems that we are gradually losing the core values of the event. The apprehension of the situation is often even studied in advance from the month of November” observes Marine Aujoulat, psychologist, in her book Reinventing Christmas: a psychologist’s perspective. “For several years, we have observed a marked increase in consultation requests before the holidays“, confirms Hugues Simard, psychologist, estimating that one in 3 people would be particularly anxious as this period approaches.
Buying gifts, organizing meals… We want so much to celebrate, spoil and spend “quality time” that unconsciously, our vacations find themselves overloaded with obligations. Christmas then becomes the receptacle of our wishes, our aspirations and, above all, our apprehensions. These anxieties can be legitimate (managing a reconstituted family, avoiding a conflict from last year), but they are often amplified by a “little voice in the head” which takes us away from the simple pleasure of the present moment.
Disliking the holidays is often linked to a wound in the child within us. Typically, this aversion affects people who lacked love or recognition during their childhood. It is also very common for psychologists and therapists to make the link between the rejection of parties and negative experiences experienced during childhood during this period (mourning, separation, family conflicts, etc.). “The family reunion reminds us of the role we occupied when we were children: the bother, the pet, the mediator, the outcast, the savior, the worrywart. However, whatever the role assumed in the past, very often the person no longer recognizes themselves in it in their adult life, which can generate strong inner emotional suffering.“, deciphers Suzanne Michaud, family worker, in the same article.
To approach the holiday season with more serenity, conscious breathing can help you anchor yourself in the present moment and take a step back from the sources of stress, which allows you to clearly identify apprehensions and personal demands. Then, it is essential to communicate your expectations by discussing with loved ones what each person really wants to experience at Christmas, in order to personalize the celebration and respect each person’s aspirations. There are as many ways to celebrate Christmas as there are people on Earth. In the midst of the preparations, we must also remember to congratulate ourselves and thank ourselves for the energy invested in the organization.
The fundamental principle is to show kindness to yourself, accepting that nothing is perfect and choosing to focus on the pleasant and satisfying moments, instead of letting yourself be overwhelmed by the unexpected or external judgments.
