“To hurt is not love.” It read like this on the banners written to accompany the coffin of Martina Carbonaro in Afragola (Naples) for the final farewell. 14 years old and a life ahead of her, she was killed by her 17 year old ex with stones because she didn’t accept the end of the relationship on the night between 27 and 28 May in Afragola, just outside Naples. At her farewell, she who was the youngest victim of femicide in Italy in 2025, thousands of people. Someone from the crowd shouted “justice, justice”. Some women shouted “Martina, you are the daughter of all of us”.
And the Archbishop of Naples also called for collective responsibility, Domenico Battaglia, in his homily with a harsh reminder for everyone: adults and children, politicians and representatives of institutions. «Today, in front of Martina, we must all take on a collective responsibility. Today we must strive to ensure that it is clear to everyone, young and old, that love is not possession. Love is not control. Love is not addiction. True love sets you free. True love does not hold back, does not force, does not punish”, said the archbishop, who had words of comfort for Enza and Marcello, the parents of the little girl, “who is sleeping. And she will be awakened.”
Then turning to the adults he continued: «What world are we building for these kids? How are we accompanying them to become men and women capable of respect, of tenderness, of freedom? We can’t put it off any longer. We can no longer say ‘it happens to others’. It happened here. To Martina. At 14 years old. And this must be enough.” And then he was unable to hold back his emotion, to the point of tears, when several times he pronounced the words “enough”, “enough violence”, “enough justifications”, “enough weak words”, reminding the many young people present that Martina died «at the hands of a boy who was unable to handle a refusal, a limit, a freedom, taking away the future not only from Martina but also from himself. Martina died from a sick idea of love.”
Martina Carbonaro’s funeral in Afragola on 4 June 2025
(HANDLE)
An idea «still too widespread, too tolerated, too silent». And again: «If out of love you end up doing harm, it is not love but only violence. A hatred that kills is feminicide. Let’s call him by his name. It’s not madness. It’s not jealousy. It’s not a fit.”
Every three days in Italy a woman is killed. A list, that of feminicides, that grows longer from year to year and which, in 80 percent of cases, occurs at the hands of a partner or ex: or in the context of a relationship. Provoked by men, mostly Italian, of different economic, social and cultural levels. There are no more excuses for this martyrdom because, as one of the slogans carried at the demonstration last November in Rome on the occasion of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, “You don’t die of love.” You don’t have to die.
Not only that. One in three women in Italy has suffered physical, psychological, economic or digital violence. This is why a “sentimental revolution” is needed which changes the style of intimate relationships, moving from possession to reciprocity and consensus, as the “Difenza Donna” association never tires of repeating. In fact, over 30 percent of girls and boys think that jealousy and control are gestures of love. Premise for toxic relationships. This is where we need to start again.
