Gifted adolescents and their refusal to see a psychologist

We should not look for the cause in this transition to adolescence, but rather in moving into a class where the requirements become more important. A few decades ago it was 4^th that this fall began, now it is rather in Second, or even in 1^era : without his good will being suspected, the student, who had always counted on his ease, has the impression that this wonderful ease is abandoning him without him knowing how to find it again. His memory is failing, he is incapable of the slightest mathematical demonstration, he does not know how to explain the process that led him to the exact result, his French homework is pitiful whereas he once excelled at writing. He’s the opposite of what he was, his image was shattered without him being able to prevent this disaster.

Those around him are upset, he feels all the more isolated since he went to high school, far from the teachers who had known him to be more effective and who could testify to it: it’s an absolute catastrophe. The parents, at first dismayed, adopt the expected reflex in these cases: consult a psychologist who will be able to identify the reasons for this collapse and they are extremely annoyed when the adolescent in distress energetically refuses this consultation. He does not give a reason, but he warns that he will not say anything and that he will try not to listen to what is said to him, he will offer the image of an opaque block without the slightest flaw, this consultation will be waste and will bring nothing, we can trust him to sabotage an interview that he refuses, he simply wants to be left alone.

Refusal of help: the fear of seeing one’s myth collapse

The gifted adolescent already has enough experience with people who are supposed to understand children, but who obviously understood nothing about his functioning, even though it was so coherent, and launched into interpretations which spoke of everything except him. While he is going through a phase where he no longer understands himself, he does not want to hear again comments about his situation accompanied by advice that will make him bristle in advance, if we tell him “make an effort” it will be the worst injunction. For him, to make an effort is to confront a particularly difficult difficulty, to triumph gloriously, then to be congratulated while he remains modest, but in complete agreement with the image he has of himself, and everything is normal, while the notion of effort remains vague when it comes to everyday life : lessons that he no longer retains despite his desire, whereas a single reading was enough until then, words that slip away and sentences that remain poor and flat, while his dazzling style earned him the admiration of everyone, but it was fiction and not commentaries: his are of a distressing platitude, the future writer has disappeared in dark clouds and, to make everything better, he does not like the English teacher and yet, handling a foreign language once enchanted him, in a previous life no doubt.

The psychologist, with his diabolical way of seeing beyond the image we want to give, will confirm his fears: his gifts disappeared with adolescencewe have already observed similar cases and there is no possible remedy, we just have to resign ourselves…. He was naturally sparkling, he shone effortlessly, and here he is dull and poor, his dreams for the future destroyed forever. Hearing these words will be too hard, he does not want to see the one who will pronounce this sentence, he prefers to die.

He knows, from experience, that gifted children confuse those who want to understand them, he has heard so many nonsense, false interpretations which made him think that they were talking about someone else, but sometimes this incomprehension was hurtful because it was so clumsy; this time, he feels far too fragile to hear this nonsense because they will touch a sensitive point and it will be much more difficult to refute them deep down: what if, for once, they told the truth? Unbearable to hear and admit.

The real issue: acquiring a working method

Faced with the psychologist, he will shut himself away with the greatest possible efficiency, he will not hear anything, he will try to recreate music that pleases him and which he will play in his head to be sure to understand nothing of the murderous verdict. If he agrees to hear, he will know thatIt’s just a question of methods.useless for him until then, he will know that there are techniques for learning a course by heart and retaining it even after the day of the test, in math, the procedure to follow is based on strict reasoning, perfectly within his reach once the fold is adopted, in dissertation, techniques exist, they have proven themselves. Specialists, knowing the very particular way gifted students operate, will be able to understand their way of approaching work and will teach him the most effective methods to regain his lost shine. Left to his own strength, he would need steely morale, absolute determination and fierce courage to grope for a long time before finding the method that suits him. It is possible, but the adolescent will have gone through a period of intense suffering, it will leave him with a memory mixed with pain and joy when he realizes that he has overcome his weaknesses, but not everyone succeeds.

In this specific and, unfortunately common, case, we understand well the refusal to see a psychologist: the anxiety is at its peak, the sweet and soothing tone of a psychologist risks increasing this anxiety if the situation and its possible remedies are not clearly explained. Other situations, just as dramatic, can explain a refusal, but that is another story.

Advice : do not count on the intellectual ease of an adolescent to hope that he will find it again, thinking that it is only a bad passage. The damage is deeper, often linked to the donation itself, it absolutely requires help. More demanding schooling more often avoids these sudden falls: they allowed the student to learn to work.