Why is it so taboo to talk about money in a relationship?

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Talking about money in a couple is often seen as a delicate, even taboo subject. Nathalie Couzigou-Suhas, a notary in Paris, observes this phenomenon daily in her work. But why does this subject remain so sensitive, despite its crucial importance in life as a couple?

Capital Video: Why is it so taboo to talk about money in a couple?

Financial matters have always been a very French taboo. Within couples, one of the main reasons is the diversity of financial practices, which vary not only from one individual to another, but also from region to region. According to a 2015 INSEE study cited by Nathalie Couzigou-Suhas, a notary in Paris, “The further north you go, the more people separate their finances, and the further south you go, the more couples pool their finances.” This geographical distribution of practices shows that there is no single standard, and that managing finances in a couple can be a source of tension, particularly when it comes to deciding whether to merge or separate incomes.

Separation or divorce: why is it so difficult to talk about money?

A poorly perceived contract

Historically, the subject of money in a couple has always been delicate. “Remember our grandparents or our parents. It was a bit taboo to make a marriage contract, it was supposed to be reserved for a certain more financially privileged category of the population.”explains Nathalie Couzigou-Suhas. Discussing a marriage contract was indeed seen as an act of defiance rather than a measure of protection. However, the younger generations seem to better understand that these contracts are more a way of protecting each other within the framework of marriage.

This reluctance to talk about money within a couple is also linked to questions of power and autonomy. “When you get married without a marriage contract, if you get into debt, all the joint assets are affected. It is much more favorable to have a separation of property contract to protect the other.”the notary also emphasizes. In a context where everyone works and has their own property, discussing the distribution of property and the financial responsibilities of each person therefore becomes essential to avoid unfair situations in the event of separation.

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A complicated subject to approach

However, despite a better understanding of the issues, money remains a difficult subject to discuss for many couples. Discussions about finances can be perceived as an intrusion into the intimacy of the relationship or as a questioning of mutual trust. However, it is essential that couples overcome this taboo to build a healthy and balanced relationship. Talking about money is above all a question of transparency and mutual protection, two fundamental elements to ensure the long-term stability of a relationship. As Nathalie Couzigou-Suhas emphasizes, money should not be a subject of division, but rather “a tool to strengthen trust and security within the couple”.