Novelty shakes as much as it paralyzes.
Life is punctuated by changes: a new position, a move, a breakup, the arrival of a child, a transfer… These changes are not always easy to live with. For some, they are downright a source of anxiety. Far from being exciting, the novelty shakes as much as it paralyzes. A fear that most often finds its origins in childhood. “A child who has not been stimulated to change by his parents will naturally develop a fear of the future and what it may represent. Change is then perceived as a threat and an attack on one’s security.” immediately argues Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist in Paris. People who are afraid of change often have these ways of reacting:
► An inability to make choices. All decisions that risk disrupting their daily lives are difficult to make. The slightest choice, no matter how insignificant, can lead them to doubt and question themselves. “These procrastinations may seem excessive in the eyes of others while they generate real anxiety in change phobics.“, comments the psychologist.
► A need to control everything: their time, their body, their emotions, their relationships… These people seem to control all aspects of their existence when in reality, they are hiding a great weakness: the fear of change. “The illusion of being in control reassures them and helps them feel safe“, confirms the specialist.
► A rejection of the future: making projects, planning a move, changing jobs or partners makes them extremely anxious. They refuse to talk about the future because they hate not knowing what tomorrow will bring. So much so that sometimes it is even difficult for them to schedule an outing or a weekend. “There is often a fear of failure and a need to feel secure. The here and now is privileged because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring“, specifies Pascal Anger.
► A tendency to be passive. People who are afraid of change tend to remain prostrate, paralyzed in their daily life, even if it does not suit them or no longer suits them. For them, taking action means taking a risk: they are afraid of failure, of judgment, of rejection. They stop themselves from going to events, from meeting new people who could take them out of their daily lives.
Very often, people who are afraid of change have other underlying anxieties and fears. They are afraid of failing, afraid of how others will look at them, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of rejection, afraid of the crowd and even suffer from social anxiety.
“To overcome your fear of change, it is necessary to put into words what is happening within yourself, to try to demystify your fears and to determine their origin: are they linked to childhood, to failures, to breakups?“, asks the psychologist. Then, we have to take small steps that disrupt our daily habits to tame our fear and realize that change is ultimately not as terrible as we thought. For example, taking a new way to go to work, change your vacation spot… By going gradually, the change is easier to accept.”Change is, by nature, distressing for everyone, but it is possible to change the way we approach it.” concludes Pascal Anger.
