These are the 15 reasons, published by Repubblica, why Giulia Cecchettin wanted to end her relationship with Filippo Turetta. This list must be read – and I repeat “must” – with all our sons and daughters. Because in this list there are two pieces of evidence. The awareness of what transforms a love relationship into a manipulative relationship. Giulia does not speak in the abstract. He lists very specific facts in his list. And it makes us understand that every time one of the facts on the list entered her life, she was fully aware of how that fact was not an indicator of a “good relationship”. Giulia knows what a good relationship is, therefore she also knows what doesn’t make it one. This competence, however, was not present in Filippo. Which therefore, not being competent, follows another script: that of power and arrogance. That of control and manipulation. There really is the perception that Filippo was not up to a girl like Giulia. That the need to keep her controlled and attached to him, not to leave her space (as if having one’s own space, as adults, were a concession you receive from someone) was the way in which to keep a girl stuck to him who instead had full clarity of his need for freedom and self-determination.
This list drawn up by Giulia should be read to our sons and daughters, it must be shared with all our students. It serves the girls as a reinforcement for all that work to prevent gender violence that is already arriving – and fortunately – in their lives and which tries to show them in a clear and evident way how to distinguish a healthy relationship from one that is unhealthy. it is. However, it must be read especially with children, because in those 15 reasons there are a series of daily behaviors that our sons tend to implement, almost without realizing it retracing love scripts in which they believe that jealousy and control are adequate tools to maintain a relationship. They know nothing about intimacy, but they know – almost implicitly – that the other can remain close to you because every day you prescribe many little things with which you ask to receive continuous proof and demonstrations of being loved. Love does not need tests, demonstrations, controls and prescriptions. And it is essential that all of us say this out loud to our daughters, but above all to our sons.
Therefore, today it is worth picking up the list of 15 reasons listed by Giulia Cecchettin and giving it to our sons, writing this title in big letters at the top: “WHEN YOU LOVE A GIRL, NEVER – ABSOLUTELY NEVER – DO ANY OF THESE THINGS.” And it is also worth adding a post-scriptum: if you ever happen to do one of these things in your life or simply feel a very strong and intense desire to do it, ask for help immediately. The same goes for your friends: if someone says that this is how he manages his love relationship with a girl, stop him and help him reflect on the fact that what he is telling may be anything, but it is certainly not love.
