I want to turn to a psychologist for my son Luca 15 years old and I would like to know what you think. He’s a boy who he doesn’t want to studyit just does the soccer with commitment. He and I often clash over the schoolfor the disorder who leaves: if I don’t follow him, it’s a disaster.
But now reacts: gets angry, raises his voice, they fly swear words And insults. I know I am heavybut I’m alone, his father is only interested in the ball and it doesn’t help me with school. With Luca it is difficult to talk aboutspeaks little in general and reacts immediately. I am stronger than him, but I am starting to be tired.
LEA
Answer by Fabrizio Fantoni
– It may be, dear Lea, that the problem lies precisely in the difficulty of talking about Luca. You often describe him as a silent boy, who makes jokes and little more, not used to transforming his moods into words (and thoughts): the joy for the ballthe angerthe frustration. He shows his emotions more through gestures, even his reactions to your requests in the study or in tidying up the house are shots and not reasoning, explanation of his motivations.
Luca is used to showing his emotions, but not saying them; this also makes him less capable of thinking about his moods, less aware of what is stirring inside him. This is why it is necessary for you to find an agreement between you and your husband on this problematic issue. May you put a better one in the foreground emotional communication in the family.
Often i tight deadlines between work, school and sport they leave little space for moments in which we talk about the day and focus on our emotions. Being with kids means spending time with them, with your ear listening to them inner world. Even before doing well (or badly) at school or in football, we need to talk to each other about what we feel in those contexts and try to understand the reasons.
In this way, the relationship between you and Luca will become less of a tug of war and more of a bond of experienced love.
