I’m tired of the fight that my children and I are fighting against my smoker husband: more than one pack a day and the electronic cigarette.
Smoke on the balcony or in the gardenbut every time someone complains about the smell coming from his clothes. It bothers me too, but the two daughters are relentlessespecially the older 18 year old.
Bear with it for a while and then explodes in an exaggerated way. I call her back, but then I explain to my husband that it’s because we care about her health.
He responds in a manner evasive or gets nervous and the argument breaks out. I try to talk to him in a way calm and rationalbut he tenses up and becomes defensive.
ADELE
Answer by Fabrizio Fantoni
– Dear Adele,
if you think you can convince an avid smoker to give up cigarettes with rational reasons, you have lost from the start. Likewise, a strenuous and angry battle is ineffective. Smoking, like any addiction, has deep emotional and organic roots. It is on that level that we need to go to start an exchange, approaching the motivations that push us to smoke: sensorial pleasure, stimulating effect, relaxation and stress reduction. They are pleasant effects that are not easily renounced and which generate a physical and psychological dependence on the cigarette.
Deciding to quit is not at all easy and requires a strong emotional push. It would be better to seek an agreement to reduce the damage, starting to really talk to each other and listening to the reasons of both sides, thus avoiding ideological wars that do nothing but raise opposing walls. Looking for shared solutions, establishing precise spaces and times in which smoking is allowed, could help. Furthermore, it must be recognized that any attempt to reduce smoking can generate anxiety and irritability, which will need to be addressed together as a family. Finally, do not exclude the possibility of asking for support from the Anti-Smoking Centers present in each Region, promoted by the National Health Service and the League to fight cancer.
