Big househe – my ex – enjoys a room and a bathroom. For the rest he does his own business. These were the agreements… And in fact he is increasingly silent, but full of “good manners”: cooks, sets the table, does the shopping and pays all the utilities.
But… we have a ten year old son, mute, always on his cell phone. Even at the table he doesn’t say a word. What to do? CARLA
Answer by Mariateresa Zattoni
– Try asking yourself, dear Carla,
in what situation have you put a ten year old boy, who moreover – recently, as you write – he does badly at school. But you wondered What air is this son breathing?
You say that you explained “everything” to him: that you no longer love each other, that you can’t leave because you don’t have the money for the rent, that you are forced to share the apartment…
Let me say it: you certainly didn’t look for a good family mediator or a good lawyer, you believed you could do everything yourself. AND this son no longer knows who he is; maybe it’s his doing poorly in school a cry for helpwhich you don’t listen to.
It’s obvious that you need one technical help to be able to help your child in turn: for example, a parenting support program, managed by a family psychotherapist or an educationalist. It’s urgent.
But in the meantime, you who write to the Heart Mail can do a lot: praise your father for what he is doing for the family, show him that this father is worthy of this name, that he stays for him, that he cooks and does the shopping etc.
I’m not talking about your ex who disappointed you (as you tell me), but about a father who doesn’t “give up” a child for convenience or revenge.
When you are at the table, instead of silence, try to appreciate this father (even if you no longer accept him as a partner) and make this son feel your appreciation for him.
You want? Yes? But out loud!
