We often feel like we are alone in experiencing the changes associated with aging.
Aging happens insidiously and people are often not prepared. “I believe that older people, especially those over 60, often feel like they are alone in experiencing the changes that come with aging. These experiences, often perceived as difficulties or obstacles, are often associated with a certain shame that is kept silent or ignored.“, observes Dr. Barbara Greenberg, clinical psychologist. Feeling shame has consequences on physical and mental health.
This shame can be about appearance or fitness. We can be ashamed of the pain we feel today, of difficulty moving as easily as 10 years ago, of becoming tired in the evening, of refusing a dinner with family or friends for fear of being too tired afterwards, more and more pronounced wrinkles, changing body shape…
It can also concern more insidious aspects of mental health which indirectly impact physical health: “You are ashamed of feeling more and more overwhelmed by new technologies, trends or current issues, of no longer understanding new generations, of thinking more and more about death or of being obsessed with articles on longevity. From feeling shame when you hear about cases where members of your same age group are getting sick or dying, or when people talk about something that will happen in 30 years, you realize that you may no longer be alive at that time”describes the expert in a column published in Psychology Today magazine.
To reassure yourself and check that you are aging “well”, you need to ask yourself: “Is there anything I am ashamed of in my life?” If the answer is “no,” you are on the path to wisdom, embrace change, and have a healthy relationship with aging. On the other hand, if the answer is “yes”, you probably have an “unhealthy” relationship with aging. Rather than focusing your fears on the negative and the difficulties you experience as you age, try to focus on the positive aspects of life.
“It would be hypocritical to say that aging is devoid of worry. As we get older, life becomes a little more complicated in many ways. But rather than feeling shame about growing old, turn that shame into gratitude for each day that passes.” Sharing experiences with peers of the same age, for example, helps you feel better. “Talk to those around you about your fears and worries: you will notice that many people, even much younger people, experience these kinds of difficulties. Sharing a “secret” that is eating away at you is often a great relief. Finally, show a better and healthier way of thinking about life as this could be an inspiration to many people your age“, finally reassures the psychologist.
