Death, illness, separation … Life constantly puts us to the test.
Life always puts obstacles and challenges on our way which provoke unpleasant, heavy, disturbing emotions … as trying as they are, these complicated moments increase our resilience. They mobilize in each of us as many physical resources as cognitive and emotional. “These are situations where it is often a question of” holding good “, of ensuring physically by his presence, by his actions, by his help, but also mentally and emotionally, by the choice of words to be used, subjects to be tackled or not, by the proposals to be made or not, the decisions to be made, the comfort to be brought for oneself and for the other while respecting the limits and needs of each” Specifies Daniela Silva Moura, doctor in clinical psychology and psychopathology.
To stay strong in difficult times, our expert first recommends recognizing her own vulnerability and giving her a sweet and sincere welcome: “Staying strong in difficult times requires a form of softness in itself which is essential and which exceeds what gestures, words can transmit “. Also remember that things are rarely immutable and that as long as there is life, it can have lots of hope and a presence to share. Accepting that pain is part of life is also advised, suffering is at the foundation of life, it must be heard and seek to give it meaning.
And then there is something very simple that we can do to stay strong in a difficult moment is to focus on what it is possible to do and not what we would like to do or what we think that should be done. For the psychologist, you have to say to yourself “I do the best that I can with what I have, so that it corresponds as much as possible to what is true, good and useful for each person involved in suffering”. If we are faced with a spouse who suffers, not to “violate” him unnecessarily by an overly brutal revelation of reality, even in the most dramatic situations. Everyone walks in their own way.
Finally, it is necessary to locate this difficult moment so as not to let it take the full extent of our existence. Often, a difficult event remains delimited to a certain sector of life and fortunately. It is legitimate to experience pain for it. But it is just as legitimate and healthy to allow yourself to continue to cultivate pleasure and joy where it is still possible to do it.
Thanks to Daniela Silva Moura, Doctor of Clinical Psychology and Psychopathology, Book author “The better I know, better I take care” (ed. Le Courrier du Livre, 2024)
