Such behavior is not acceptable, according to this specialist. Parents therefore have every interest in reacting for the good of their child as well as for their own.
We often hear about toxic parents, those who constantly criticize, feel guilty, lower or control their child, even once adult. But we talk much less about grandparents who reproduce these same patterns or impose their way of doing things, by trampling on the education that their own children transmit to their cherubs. However, toxic grandparents exist. And their behavior can have real consequences, both on grandchildren as parents. Certain signs must also alert, including one in particular which would be A “Great classic in toxic grandparents”said Sandrine Mallet Lecharny, family therapist and couple therapist working near Montpellier.
In general, signs are observed on several levels, both towards grandchildren and their parents. In this case against adults, this can be “Regular or permanent criticism on their way of educating” or “emotional guilt / emotional blackmail”. For example, “You are too lax “,” with everything I did for you “ Or “You shouldn’t do this at your age, I was doing like that”etc. “There may be an intrusion into family life, visits that can be imposed, unstople advice, criticisms to stir up tensions between the two parents, or a refusal to accept parental decisions by not respecting parents’ rules and making it very openly know”.
Toxic grandparents can also attack their grandchildren by having an hurtful attitude, making fun of them, “By criticizing them, by comparing them with their other grandchildren or promoting some“. They can also do it on purpose”Do not respect the educational rules and be in emotional blackmail with their grandchildren by offering them too many gifts, sweets or screen time ” But above all, they do it in all conscience,, explained the expert to us. Even more serious, there may be violent gestures or words. And among all these warning signs, there is “The great classic: the secrets shared with the grandchildren”. For example, ‘You don’t say anything to your mother of what happened here “, ‘I gave you candies, it’s still between us!” or “You don’t say that I spanked you, eh”. But then, why is this one so problematic?
“Because beyond being toxic, we are in manipulation”, commented Sandrine Mallet Lecharny. By taking up the example of spanking, in this case, the child lives something that he does not find normal, that he is not used to living, which is a form of violence for him while normally the grandparent is supposed to protect him. But by asking him to hide the truth, the child will not feel protected and will have to carry the burden of lying. If all the signs are gathered, the therapist advises parents above all else to communicate with the grandparents, to be able to tell them what they blame them, and to try to find solutions together.
