It happens that young children, after entering school, demonstrate disorders whose cause is struggling to determine …
They experienced a happy little child, between attentive parents, with a calm environment, far removed from thunderstorms which can seriously disturb an already unstable family atmosphere. Their early childhood was really very happy : A golden nanny took care of them all day, since it was her work and that she was delighted to have to take care of a delicious baby knowing how to express her feelings so well and thank her with a smile capable of melting a ice floe. She herself had sometimes left her own children in her country, entrusted to the care of her parents or other people sure of her family: she was not worried about them, but they lacked.
Be able to take care of an infant soothes his nostalgia And its culture most often teaches what care will provide for a very small baby so that it develops in the most harmonious way possible. She knows massages that allow absolute relaxation, she knows how to accompany them with sweet words that increase their beneficial effects, she understands the discreet signs sent by the baby who makes her first learning of life, he has a whole universe to learn, he must adjust his existence to this world so different from that which he has just left: sounds, smells, are no longer the same in despite the blurred reminiscences. This light! It was in a hurry to discover it, now he finds it too lively … The nanny guides him in this discovery, at the beginning, he is still really too small and too lost to understand what he perceives around him. He was with his mother and everything was coherent and then it is another lady who rocks him, nourishes him, toilet and especially speaks to him in a language that is not customary, but he understands that these are tender and joyful words, he marvels, he laughs. In the evening and certain days, he finds the one who had been so close, that he knows better than anyone and better than she knows herself. She too is happy to find him for long hours, as when he arrived here, when tight against each other, they were only one.
He continues the happiness
His attentive parents thought he was better at the house: the crèche, the children sometimes too noisy, aggressive, or clumsy or even geigers and overwhelmed childcare workers form a universe that did not tempt them, even if there are brilliant nurseries where children flourish in the middle of multitudes of toys that a simple family can not pile in an apartment. The nanny avoids any risk and the baby obviously appreciates his care.
And then, one day, after a vacation spent outside the house, he no longer finds his nannyhe is thrown into a completely different universe that he had briefly visited at the beginning of the summer, but without keeping a great memory. A kind and energetic lady had spoken to him, he had listened to him in distracting, he still understood that he would have friends, as in the park where he went with his nanny: she then chatted with friends, while keeping on him an attentive look of which he felt the soothing warmth, and then he was going to learn a lot of interesting things,
All these explanations remained a little theoretical in his mind: He lived in a harmonious and stable universe, perfectly arranged, where he was the subject of constant attention and where everything was organized for his comfort and to familiarize him with beauty by awakening of the senses that perfected day by day. He would never have imagined the cataclysm that was going to be unleashed. Suddenly, without he understood how he found himself in this maelstrom, iHe is surrounded by children in tears, sometimes screaming in a state of deep distress. He did not cry, he had confidence in his mother, she could not lead him to hell after having watched so long to her happiness, but he begins to say that others have a good reason to cry with so much conviction, they must know things that he ignores, lost in his bliss since he came to the world, these things are certainly terrible to provoke such an affliction, he tries to rebuild, which he knew, he was knowing, Find the sweet caresses of his nanny and the lullabies of his mother; Everything will be back in order, it is only a nightmare.
It does not take him long to understand that this nightmare is now his life, the nanny has disappeared, when he does not go to school, he goes to an “airy center” where he finds the same braid and aggressive children. He tried to get closest to the quietest for a banal conversation, but his words aroused only a vague interest and he was not answered. What did he do to be deprived of all pleasure and to be rushed away from his happiness? His mother takes care of him, but he is “big” now, he can take care of himself a little, he also tastes this new autonomy, but he keeps in him a deep, unspeakable, irremediable wound: his nanny who provided him so much love abandoned him, she no longer loves him, her words and her gestures so tender were therefore false, she has forgotten him, he is even more bruised. He has the most cruel experience of love despair without remedy, since the person who loved him disappeared, ignoring the pain that his absence was going to cause.
Sometimes she comes back to see him, he understands that she takes care of another baby, that she must cuddle with the same attention, but these are false feelings, He believed that this love was eternal, she misses all the moments of his daily life, He discovers betrayal, abandonment without hope, she has become a distant shadow, just like the friends of her parents whom he sees from time to time and who are politely ranging from his “progress” while his bruised heart bleeding, which is much more important than learning the names of colors, the order of figures and that of the seasons. The music that he is listened to is not worth the songs she sang to him: the bond he thought eternal was broken and no one worries. The nanny visits the tightness on her heart, he smells of her smell, she rekindles her pain. He discovers that becoming “big” is to start learning unspeakable suffering that those around you do not understand. During his life, he will keep this shadow of nostalgia, the origin of which will fade to the point of being forgotten. Reactions, blurred discomfort, even sadness access will remain unexplained.
Advice : A caring nanny is a source of happiness and the assurance of a harmonious development at the beginning of life, it is then good to prevent the child long in advance of his change of life so that he does not live him as an abandonment and a betrayal. If possible, to keep relationships with this loved one helps to accept this separation.
The chronicles published on the website of the Journal des Femmes are to be found in Arielle Adda’s book entitled “Sensitive and gifted adults: finding her place at work and flourishing” published by Odile Jacob.
