“The person needs to be recognized as a person who is bad,” recalls the psychologist.
Not easy to find the right words when the person in front of us is bad. “”We should not try to avoid what the other feels. Someone who is wrong, it bothers. We feel helpless, we don’t know what to do. Which does not mean that we do not want to comfort the other“Immediately explains Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist and creator of the podcast” You told me “. But”Get morale to a person does not mean saying anything. We avoid “it will go”, “relativized”, “it’s not so serious” or “you have to stay optimistic” because these turns can add discomfort, be useless or annoying“Nor is it recommended to ignore the person’s discomfort.
The best to start is to offer our interlocutor an opening to the discussion, but without pressure, only if he wants to talk about his discomfort. “”This shows that you respect temporality. If you feel that the other is not ready, you can offer him an outdoor outing, a ride in the forest, a restaurant or a cinema session. Thus, you show the person that you are able to wait until it is the right time to share their feelings. You remind her that she is not alone, even if you do not have the power to get her out of her slump“emphasizes the psychologist.
Then, when the discussion opens, we can tell him: “You have the right to go wrong and let your emotions go. You will come out relieved“According to the expert, it puts legitimacy in what she feels and translates the empathy that we have towards the other.”The person needs to be recognized as a person who is bad and of a time when he goes badly ” continues Amélie Boukhobza. According to her, the two words that bring the most comfort are “I love you”. Of course, they must be said if they are sincere. They reduce stress and anxiety and lighten the discomfort of the one who is not doing well. They strengthen psychological ties and bring joy to the one who receives these words. To say his love or friendship to someone gives him more reasons to exist and to get better, because he knows that he counts for other people. If you dare not say “I love you”, a simple “I feel good in your company” can have the same emotional impact.
We can also explain to him that this situation will not always last like that, remind her that certainly, she crosses a difficult test, but that it is impossible that her current discomfort is final. And if you don’t know what to say, just tell the other that he is not alone. He will know that you are present for him.
