That day, everything shone: they, their guests, the lights, the cake. However, a few years later, everything collapsed. A study looked at the common point which connected these couples having more divorced than the others. And what emerges is very surprising.
In 2015, two American researchers, Andrew Francis-Van and Hugo Mialon, studied stories of more than 3,000 married people. Their initial idea was simple: try to spot what could predict a divorce. Dozens of factors have been sifted. They compared the durations of marriage, the reasons for separation, professional situations, couple habits. Nothing seemed really to stand out. Until a detail is obvious. A very concrete detail, which was found in almost all cases of separation.
Those who separated are not necessarily those who argued the most, nor those who had the most different routes. The researchers published their results in an academic newspaper, but the press seized it, because the conclusions jostled a lot of received ideas. In summary: the couples who followed a certain very precise way to organize their marriage were statistically more exposed to the risk of divorce. And this, only a few years after saying “Yes!”. The rupture rate in these cases was much higher than the average.
So where does this fragility come from? What the study shows is that this way of doing things weakens the couple from the start. It creates stress, weight, expectations. It puts pressure where it would take lightness. And it often diverts the attention of the essential. Some psychologists are also interested in it. For them, a couple that is built by putting the appearance before connection, the event before the relationship, takes a risk. Not always, of course. But often. It’s a bit like starting a trip with an overly heavy bag. We can move forward, but we get tired quickly. And if the path is long – and it is always – fatigue eventually weighs. Especially since there is a very concrete consequence to this famous way of doing: it costs. And not just a little. It can even plug finances from the start of common life. In short, those who organized their marriage by spending astronomical sums are more exposed to divorce in the years to come than the others.
When you think about it, it’s quite logical. Wedding Day is not a goal. It is a starting point. And yet, some couples inject so much energy, emotion, resources, whether they come out exhausted, stretched, emptied. They want everything to be perfect, that the photos are worthy of Instagram, that every detail shines. Result: the couple becomes a logistical project, an event to be organized, even profitable, sometimes. And the after becomes vague. Conversely, couples having chosen a modest marriage, with little expenses, have statistically stayed together longer, according to the study. So no, money does not make happiness, and even less the duration of a wedding!
