At what age to talk about sexuality to your child and how to go about it?

Reproduction, first time, body perception, sexual orientation, romantic feelings, consent … All subjects linked to sexuality can be approached with the little ones, but It is absolutely necessary to take into account the age of the child. However, sexual maturity varies so much from child to child that it is difficult to give a specific age. What words to use? How far? Should we wait for the questions of your child or take the lead? Answers from Philippe Rougier, doctor and president of Sesame, an association that intervenes in schools to speak to young people about emotional, relational and sexual life.

From 3-4 years old, have remarks adapted to his age

“”From an early age, around 3-4 years old, the child asks a lot of questions about the transmission of life, on friendship relationships or on his body for example. Toddlers are already very interested in emotional life: it is also very common in kindergarten, children have a lot of lovers“, assures the doctor. They can then ask you very spontaneously of the type”How do we make babies?” Or “Why do girls don’t have a discord?“.”And some children, even very young, are well aware that these kinds of questions can hinder their parents, but it is very important to bring them True information while being adapted to its ageand try to always respect the modesty and the progress of the child“, Specifies the expert. No need to divert his attention by speaking of storks, roses or cabbage! The idea is rather answer his questions without rawness And without saying more than what he is ready to hear, shortly and without “too” entering the details so that he gets his own idea. Concretely, to the question “How was I born?“, Answer him for example that his dad and his mother wished very strongly his birth and that thanks to the little” seed “of dad and that of mom (or use the word egg if you prefer), a small baby grew up in his belly and was born. Rest assured, before 8-9 years, the child will not ask himself more questions about how these little seeds have melted! Inevitably place at a birth.

Start talking to her from link to the other, tenderness, functioning of his body and physical differences Between girls and boys for example. The moments of daily life are also perfect opportunities to talk about it (changing the grandson layer makes it possible to approach the physical differences between the sexes for example). At this age, the young child is quite capable of conceptualizing these subjects and being sensitive to it. According to his level of maturitythe child will capture more or less “technical” things. It’s not serious, Everyone understands and assimilates at their own pace. In addition, start to approach the concept of the prohibition: all people cannot kiss on their mouths for example. Likewise, we should not show certain parts of his body in public (genitals or buttocks for example) and above all, we must not accept that a person touches us or puts us in an embarrassing situation. If it ever happens, tell him that he must absolutely tell you about it.

From 6-7 years old, give him benchmarks!

At this age, the form matters as well as the substance: show yourself open and above all “not shocked” by his questions. Show him that it is not ridiculous and that it is courageous to ask you for answers when he has questions. “”The important thing is their give them and make them understand that it is normal to question this subject“, reassures the doctor. When he asks you a question, be as comfortable as possible (or seem to be it!). Know that a child does not ask questions by chance, that he has no bad intention and that he just wants to satisfy curiosity: when we talk about sexuality to his children, You have to try to get rid of your adult point of view. Taboos generally do not come from children, but rather adults. Beyond the questions he poses, there is a real desire to Discover the world around it. However, if a question surprises you or seems inappropriate to you, tell him that you are not yet able to answer him and that you talk about it in due course. Take a time to reflect to provide him with an adapted answer to his age.

“Give him benchmarks and not details”

Also, “Teach him the right words and prefer to use the terms “penis” or “vagina” rather than the childish words “zizi” and “zézette”. For the other notions, the best is to regain his words to him. If he pronounces the word “blowjob” for example, resume his end, without explaining to him what it is, but by saying for example that it is a practice that certain adults make“, advises the specialist. At this age, A child does not need to understand the anatomical process of the sexual acton the other hand, he may need to have more information on the design of a baby for example: tell him about tenderness and love between two people without entering into practice. Give him benchmarks and not details. If he is too insistent, teach him that there is a time for everything and confine yourself to what it seems good to transmit to him.

From 11-12 years old, get into the heart of the matter!

“”The most important thing is to set up a Climate of trust and benevolence : you can now get more and more from the heart of the matter and talk about the first sexual intercourse, sexual orientation, puberty or desire“, Specifies Philippe Rougier. If your child questions you about what it is” to make love “, explain that it is above all a moment of intimacy between two people who respect each other, and who experience feelings and attraction towards each other. You can speak more about sexual intercourse in itself and above all, protection like condoms or the pill. You can insist on the notions of consent, respect and limits (Know and dare to say “no” when you don’t want to).

Concerning pubertyparents can take the lead without the pre-ado spontaneously talking. Explain to your young girl that she will gradually become a woman and that she will undergo some changes. Talk to him rulessymptoms linked and tell him that nothing is serious for this, that his body changes and that these changes are synonymous with physical maturity. Be careful not to dramatize this stage of life because adolescent girls tend to consider their rules simply as constraints. Build the subject of puberty also with your boy. If he is concerned about the size of his penis or the fact of ejaculating too quickly, reassure him by telling him that the penis can develop until the end of its growth is at 18 or 20 years old and especially that there is no standard size and that the only thing that counts is the pleasure that we want to give and receive. He may question you about masturbationin this case, tell him that it is an absolutely natural practice which can help him reassure himself that “everything works well” and to train to manage his excitement for example.

Sexual, technical positions and practices … Preserve your child by not telling him everything. It will be up to him to develop his imagination and his own fantasies in due time. In the same way that there is no manual to kiss a boy or a girl or to make love, the teen will have to build and discover his own sexuality, especially than that age, the imagination is in full swing! On the other hand, everything concerning prevention in terms of health must be addressed: sexually transmitted diseases, contraception, early pregnancy …