He sounds accuser and asks to justify himself.
An argument is often linked more to the form than to the bottom: you just have to go wrong with your words or not to clearly express what you feel so that the tone rises and that the conversation slips. However, an ultra-simple principle avoids argument and defuse any situation, whether at work, in a couple or with their children. “”I learned this advice from a former FBI negotiator, Chris Voss, who put him into practice every day to have his interlocutors cooperate, during muscular interrogations or crisis negotiations“Explains Viven Willard, marketing consultant and passionate about psychology in a post published on quora. Suffice to say that he knows a department on how to cooperate someone, even in the most extreme contexts.
His advice? Never use a particular word during an exchange. “”This will put your interlocutor on the defensive, including for banal things. Even in a gentle and sincere tone, this word sounds accusing, asks to justify yourself, and can even bring sarcasm or contempt“, He said. According to the expert, your interlocutor may feel misunderstood, judged, not listened to and could turn.
The word in question is none other than “why”. As far as possible, it is preferable to replace it with another turn of sentence. For example, instead of saying “Why didn’t you ask for an increase?”, Better to say “What prevented you from asking for your increase?”. In the same way, “Why didn’t you do your homework?” becomes “What prevented you from doing your homework?”. According to the FBI negotiator, it is more subtle, the interlocutor feels more listened to and responsible for his choice. It will bring him his guard, unlock him emotionally, bring him to reflect on the situation and draw an honest answer rather than false excuses that he repeats himself to him and others.
“”This question will give a different outcome to a conversation at first conflict premium by making it possible to obtain more sincere answers as well as the cooperation of your interlocutor. HASU final, he will be more confident. “It may take a little time to stop saying” why “. This is normal. If a” why “you escape, do not hesitate to rephrase the question (whether you have obtained an answer or not) and you will still get positive effects.”I’m sure you are going to be amazed at the answers and behaviors that you will get back – and the time you will save with, for example, your children“Concludes the expert.
