Your teenager enters his protest period and do you feel distraught? Our advice to stay Zen in all circumstances.
The adolescence crisis, traditionally described as a compulsory passage from childhood to adulthood, arouses many questions, even a certain apprehension among parents. There “teenage crisis“is above all a natural phenomenon: the physical and psychological metamorphosis of your child, Between 13 and 18 years old, East One of the major upheavals in adolescence. The morpho-psychological transformations initiated from puberty become sharper and assert themselves in a visible manner. Hair, moult of the voice, painful nipples … for the boy; Chest, hips, hair … In the girl. The personality is also subject to transformation. Rebellious and extroverted or on the contrary erased and folded, The personality of teens conditions different reactions Faced with the anxiety that can become an adult for them. Learning to manage your desires, in particular sexual, his emotivity and his impulsiveness, but also the contradictions between economic and emotional dependence on the family and the will to emancipate it, constitute as many unconscious trials to which adolescents do not all provide the same answer. SO How to react to a somewhat rebellious teenager? The advice of Françoise Rougeul, psychoanalyst and the authors of the book “Survival manual for parents of teens who fart the lead“, Au editions the links that release.
1 – Set clear limits
Teenagers need to react their parents to share their difficult times with them, but also to investigate them. By provoking them, they check that they still really hold him. “”In fact, he expects his parents a kind of acknowledgment of receipt of his excess and provocations“Summarizes the guide”Survival manual for parents of teens who fart the lead“.
But does your child have the right to go out late at night or slam the door of his room? It is up to you to define the words and acts that seem unacceptable to you. “”React when it is worth it, your teenager will know where the red line is.“Specifies the book.
2 – put things into perspective and expect it to transgress the rules
In the same way that a baby explores the world around him by sucking his toys or touching everything he finds, A teenager needs to test his limits, Even if it means playing the daredevil and systematically oppose your parents. Families are often worried about their children and pose prohibitions accordingly: do not smoke, do not drink, do not return after midnight … but These prohibitions, which are made to reassure the parents, will probably be transgressedas much knowledge in advance and make a reason. “”Whether those around them like it or not, adolescents rub inevitably at risk and transgression. The path of autonomy requires the examination, exploration and putting into practice of the resources of his body and his mind.“Explain the authors of the book.
3 – Listen to it while remaining firm
Have you forbidden your teenager to go out and since then, does he have your life hard? Know how to stay firm. “”It is necessary to prohibit certain behaviors and to stick to it Despite the blows and bitterness, to defend a position in a firm and coherent way, even if it means passing for a dinosaur“However, staying firm does not mean staying airtight. “”This should not prevent you from listening to your child. Listening to his arguments does not necessarily mean saying yes“Indicates the book.
4 – Give up being perfect
Managing the adolescence crisis well is also recognizing that we have the right to be helpless, not to have just driving. Françoise Rougeul, psychoanalyst and family therapist, reassures: “Being perfect parents is almost impossible to do. It would even be dramatic. If you have a clear and preconceived image of what your role is, then you will be too strict, apart from realities. Parents make adaptation errors and in this case, it is better to admit it to your teenager. We can very well tell him “listen, we do what we can, we don’t understand everything, but we try“.
5 – Respect your privacy
If it is clear that parents must state clear rules, you should not do too much by trying to regence all of its actions and words. At the risk of exposing themselves “for sure, an explosive rebellion“Warm the book” Survival manual “. Some subjects, including love and sexuality, are delicate. Your adolescent has the right to respect his privacythink about it before making him comments on his boyfriend or to make him an appointment with the gynecologist …
6 – Accept to have the bad role
Teenagers sometimes take pleasure in making fun of their parents, to emphasize their faults or their least mistakes. Difficult to accept remarks on the part of the one who told you a short time ago “You are the most beautiful mom in the world“. Things have changed and that’s good! Accept not to be fashionable, not to share his opinions, it’s good for him ! “”Teenagers want to stand out and have easy criticism. (…) You are not his generation; He needs to hear it and feel it.“Says the guide.
7 – Show your love
Adolescents are going through a difficult period and need your attention and support. Even if your child has made a big stupidity, do not reduce him to his act. “”A young man who acts detestively must be punished, but especially not banned. An end of non-receiving heart and dialogue would constitute a serious error.“Warn the authors of the” survival manual for parents of teenagers who fart the lead “.
8 – Remember that it’s a passade
For 80 % of teens, the adolescence crisis is going well. Only 20 % are in danger, according to Françoise Rougeul. Keep in mind that this phase will resolve quickly and do not imagine the worst. However, if your child has several symptoms (school failure + sadness + withdrawal on yourself), it is important to consult professionals in order to prevent the situation from getting worse.
9 – Help him find his balance in a blended family
What about the adolescence crisis in a blended family? For Françoise Rougeul, “it is more complex, because to the” normal “crisis is added to a problem of space, lost, and to reinvent. For example, when an elder finds himself cadet in the recomposed family. Generally, we still see, that if the parents have found an emotional balance, children adapt and go well. But if one of the parents renovated his life and not the other or the other is not accepted, There is a good chance that the teenager was taken hostage in the conflict between the ex-spouses. When a teenager is in crisis with his stepfather or mother-in-law, it is necessary to verify that the other parent does not say any harm of this person. More generally, if the conjugal couple is destroyed, parents must build a parental couple who respects the loyalty that children experience in relation to their father and mother … Asking a teenager to take part for one, therefore to choose between his father and his mother is to put him in a conflict of loyalty which can only hurt him. “
10 – Stay patient and coherent
The teenager is an expert in contradictory requests, You have to take care of him without watching him, understanding him but respecting his mystery … This is an impossible mission! Besides, if the parents were perfect, would the teenager not risk being trapped in a heavenly family that he would have no desire to leave? On the other hand, what parents can do, while trying to understand and adapt is to keep a form of consistency. If you are a rather “normative” family and overnight, you become very lax, the teenager will lose his bearings, he will not understand anything. But if I insist on the fact that he does not nya “good parents”. This term implies that you have a clear and preconceived image of your role. You are likely to pass by the reality experienced by your teenager and …. to become bad parents.
