There is a course that many bride and groom cross backwards. A pivotal stage, which statistics point as a turning point in marital life. At this precise moment, the alliances resist … or shatters.
Marriage resisted the first tensions, the daily cakes, the weight of the family organization. He crossed the aftermath of wedding, compromise on the distribution of tasks, post-moon honey adjustments. But despite all these efforts, there would be a critical date in the marital chronology. A very specific moment when ruptures are ramp.
It was not the engagement that was taken lightly, nor the precipitated ceremony. This is not the lack of commitment. The problem, according to several researchers, is the lack of tools in the face of wear of the marital link. It is not love that disappears, but the ability to maintain the solidity of marriage, to make small repairs before the building collapses. “Many couples are emotionally intelligent, but do not know how to stop the spiral once it has started”, explains psychologist Laura Berman, in the podcast Getting Open.
A wedding can start under the most beautiful auspices: an emotional ceremony, a successful reception, an unforgettable wedding trip. The complicity seems natural, the exchanges are warm and the tenderness at the rendezvous. Then one day, without brilliance, the atmosphere changes and silence settles at the same time as indifference. The danger, according to Laura Berman, is to let this distance widen without any intervention. The unsaid accumulate, libido fades, and marriage, formerly joyfully celebrated, slowly slides towards a routine without relief. Some will look for a breath elsewhere, others remain, but die gently inside. Intimacy is disintegrated. And once it has evaporated, it is extremely difficult to rebuild it.
What saves a union is not the memory of D -Day, but everyday gestures. Reviving the link goes through the body – a hand posed, a free hug – but also by listening, conversations as well as the moments reserved for two. The couples that go through the years without losing their bond are often those who remain vigilant at the slightest quivering, who do not leave weariness while invading. Because this weariness can easily resurface at two key stages in the life of marriage. The first intervenes in the very first years following marriage. Those who follow the party, the dragees, the moved speeches. When the dress is stored, the announcements have been archived, and the cohabitation reveals what the wedding preparations had masked. Many young spouses then discover the difficulty of combining the marital dream with the reality of everyday life. Some go away, others betray.
But the strongest peak of separations occurs a little later, between the fifth and the eighth year of marriage. A well -known period of marital therapists. The children, when there are, grew up. The nights are less short, the jobs of the time less tight. Wedding birthdays accumulate, but something, sometimes, disintegrates. We find ourselves for two, again, and the question emerges: does this life still suit me? Do I feel seen, loved, chosen as on the first day?
This passage can capsize even the strongest unions. But if the two spouses answer “yes” to these questions, then the wedding can be extended far beyond the decade. Another possibility: to celebrate your next wedding anniversary by organizing a weekend or a short trip to two to find yourself better … It is still necessary to pass this CAP without shipping.
