Anne thought her mental load would lessen once her father was placed. But her worries have not gone away, and now she takes on a new role to care for her parent.
As we get older, we often imagine what our later years will be like, and some even know exactly where they want to spend them. Anne’s parents always thought that they would end their old days at home, in the house where their grandchildren and great-grandchildren grew up. But it’s no surprise to anyone… You never really know how you’re going to age. So, when Anne’s mother and father began to gradually lose their autonomy and have health concerns, the question of home help and potential placement in a retirement home arose. “With my three brothers and my sister, we had difficulty making decisions and even getting our parents to accept that outside people were going to come and help them with the household and their medication”remembers Anne. It was at that moment, without her really realizing it, that her role as caregiver began, with the mental load that goes with it.
“My sister and I took turns doing their shopping, their cleaning, their laundry, planning their medical appointments, taking them, managing their administrative procedures. It was very demanding and exhausting. I “I kept worrying about them when I wasn’t there.” she emphasizes. And the concerns did not ease once Jean, 92 years old, (the father of Anne and her brothers and sisters, editor’s note) was placed, following the death of his wife. For his sake, the siblings found him a place in a shared accommodation for seniors, a few kilometers from Anne’s home. A new stage for the family, but especially for Anne who has seen her mental load evolve.
“When I placed my father, I thought I would be able to breathe, but that was not the case. Perhaps it is a professional reflex (Anne works in the medical-social sector, editor’s note) but where he is, I notice everything that is wrong. I regularly have to go behind the staff to remind them of instructions, such as the fact that they must change his pants, put on his compression stockings, his dentures or his glasses. It’s full of little details, but it’s tiring. I also know that he is not stimulated enough despite his old age.” she comments.
In this structure, she must also be responsible for making her father’s medical appointments and arranging their payment, going to the pharmacy, and acting as a link between the health professionals and the shared accommodation staff. In case of problems, this is the number we call first. All this has a long-term effect on Anne’s morale, as she admits that her brothers are not as involved because they live far away. “My mental load is different today, I still worry as much about my father, and I don’t think that’s going to change…”she concludes.
