At what age, origin, what to do?

The Oedipus complex is a phase during which the child abandons the same sex parent, to declare his love to the other. It is therefore common that little girls say they are “in love” from their dad, or that the little boys want to marry mom when they are big. A decisive step for the construction of his personality. Originally, it is Sigmund Freud which formulated this central concept of psychoanalysis at the beginning of the 20th century in reference to the myth of Greek antiquity. At what age the Oedipus complex occurs And how to react? The advice of psychologist Stephan Valentin.

What is the Oedipus complex?

THE Oedipus complex corresponds to the phase during which a child rejects the parent of the same sex. He in fact unconsciously desires his other parent and considers himself as the elected representative of his heart. In general, a little boy will be in love with his mom and a little girl, his dad. We then talk about Positive Oedipus complex.

However, even if it is rarer, it happens that the child rejects the parent of the opposite sex and is therefore in love with the same sex parent. It is the reverse or negative Oedipus complex.

Reverse or negative oedipus complex

Let a child be in love with the same sex parent is not common. However, when this is the case, it is simply necessary to react in the same way as for a complex of positive Oedipus. Without being abrupt, the father or the mother must explain to are a child that he is in one relationship with the other parent, but that he will always love him.

What is the unresolved Oedipus complex, what consequences?

“”A person who has not resolved the Oedipus complex generally feels guilty when she has sex, because she imagines herself betraying her mother or father, explains the psychologist. Besides, these people often choose a partner who looks like one of his parents. It is important to become aware of it and do a job on yourself when you are concerned.“However, if this poses a problem to have a couple relationship or you feel unhappy, it is better to consult a specialist.

What is the Oedipus complex according to Freud?

The Larousse defines the Oedipus complex, according to Freud, like “All the love and hostile desires that the child experiences with regard to his parents “.

Who is Oedipus in Greek mythology?

The Oedipus complex refers to a famous history of Greek mythology. Oedipus is the son of Laïos, the king of Thebes, and Jocaste. An oracle predicts the sovereign that he will be killed by his own son … Laïos therefore decides to abandon him. The child is collected by the king of Corinth and grew up without knowing his true identity. Oedipus later learns from a new oracle that he will kill his father. To protect the one he believes to be, he decides to flee the city. During his trip, he meets Laïos he takes for a thief and kills him. Oedipus is then married to the king’s wife, who is none other than his mother Jocaste.

Each child has his own way of approaching Oedipus. There is no strict parallel between what is happening in his head and what he is doing. Behavioral manifestations are thus varied. However, it appears that “”The child tends to idolize the parent with whom he is in love. He calls him “mom or darling dad (e)”, wants to constantly make him kisses, wants to be with him all the time …“, explains Stephan Valentin, doctor of psychology. The other parent is on the contrary rejected. It is then no question that he tries to kiss him! Nevertheless, if the little girl or the little boy feels in rivalry with him, he also wants to resemble him. He does not prevent this situation is sometimes difficult to manage for the parent who is not the elected official and who feels like it and relativize.

“The child tends to idolize the parent with whom he is in love.”

At what age is the Oedipus complex in children?

The Oedipus complex generally appears around 3 or 4 years old and lasts several years. It is only when “The child realizes that his parents love each other and that his ploy will not work that he leaves the complex. This generally coincides with the entry into CP“, Specifies the psychologist.

“”It is essential not to leave your offspring in a constant excitement. Indeed, the child is overwhelmed by what happens to him, he fails to channel himself. For example, you must avoid letting him constantly kisses the elected parent, illustrious Stephan Valentin. It is important to put a stop, even if it is often difficult for parents to tell him “no” while he shows all his affection. You have to put a certain distance from your child. The latter must in fact succeed in finding a balance between showing his love, and his desire to go beyond.“”

What to do if he wants to sleep in the parents’ bed?

However, if it is necessary to establish clear limits, parents must also reassure their little on the love they have. A child, in this phase, also loves to be in his parents’ bedbut in the middle of controling what’s going on. You shouldn’t go in your direction. “”If he wants to be in his parents’ bed, it is possible, but alongside the parent with whom he is not in love. He will quickly want to return to his room. Parents can also install a mattress next to the bed, there too on the side of the non -elected parent“, Advises the specialist. Each family situation being special, do not hesitate to ask for help if you feel in difficulty.

• In the case of a separationthe child’s desire to oust the partner has come true. It is then essential to make him understand that he is not responsible for the situation, that his parents will always love him, and that his dad remains his dad …
• When one of the parents diesit is also very important to reassure your child and guilty him. This can indeed be a real shock for him to realize that what he has at the bottom of him “desired” has really happened.
• When the parent is singlethe child’s attention is generally paid to a person around him. It must then be channeled and put barriers. Besides, in case of celibacy or punctual absence of one of the parents, “It is not uncommon for the parent to offer his child to sleep with him, but it is not a good idea! By sleeping in the marital bed, it is in the fantasy of being the partner. He is therefore better in his room“says Stephan Valentin.

Stephan Valentin is the author of the book “We will always be there for you” by Pfefferkorn Editions.