For young dads, the arrival of a child is sometimes a real emotional upheaval for which they are often not prepared! But by the way, to become a father, what does it change? Papas tell us.
Become dad for the first time
(Update of September 7, 2022) If becoming a mother is the fruit of a long journey, women have the time of pregnancy to tame their new role. During these 9 months, they feel in the body and in their flesh this great upheaval. Does this mean that they are immediately overwhelmed by unconditional love and are fully comfortable in their role? Of course not! The maternal instinct is a construction and parenting a path strewn with pitfalls. For dadsthe problem is different. Just as involved, happy and present that they are during the pregnancy of their partner, they are sometimes taken aback by the little “concrete” side of this future baby. “”During pregnancy, I was very impatient, I loved to feel the blows of my son through my wife’s belly. But I admit that until the day of birth, this baby had only a relative reality!“testifies Antonin to the Women’s Journal. For a long time, this impression has been considered a norm.
The attachment link between a father and his baby
An idea beaten by anthropologist Anna Machin in her book “To become a daddy, what is a father today?“At Larousse editions. The specialist notably evokes the long -neglected role of hormones in the Construction of the father-child link. “”A study has recently shown that fathers and mothers who live together during pregnancy have similar oxytocin levels in blood“. Anna Machin recalls that oxytocin is “The ingredient that facilitates the formation of links between human beings“”. This is about this famous “attachment”so difficult to understand and theorize. Alban, a full father of three children, remembers that at the birth of his first son, he was immediately assaulted by a flood of emotions. “”I immediately felt invested psychologically and physically, in my role as father. I was just ready“.
When does a man feel father?
This is a subject that is at the center of many questions for future dads. Some men feel fathers from The announcement of pregnancyothers at birthor even when real interactions are possible with the child. Citing the results of an Australian scientific study on attachment and identity, Anna Machin is precisely a particularly surprising aspect of male psychology. “”Among future dads, becoming “father” was an important aspect of their identity, in the same way as husband and employee, for example, and those who identified strongly with the role of coparer were more strongly attached to their child to be born than those who envisaged essentially their role as“.
How to find your place as a future dad?
Nicolas, father of a little girl, says he has had trouble finding his place. “”I do not know if it is because of my education, my father has always been distant, but I did not really feel invested in my role as father in the first months. My partner managed everything and I I felt away. Without realizing that I got away myself …“. Hicham, on the contrary, immediately embraced his role as father.”I didn’t interest me to come home late and never be at home. I wanted to be present for my son every day, spend as much time as possible with him. That’s why I took parental leave, I wanted to invest my role 100%“.
Paternity: how to reassure the future dad?
Many fathers say it, the arrival of their child has aroused two very strong feelings in them: both immense pride, and at the same time vertigo in the face of this new responsibility. For Jean, dad of a 6 year old boy, “”Paternity is the start of responsibilitybut it is also a constant negotiation with yourself. Am I up to it? Could I protect the child as long as he is fragile? Can I let him leave the nest when it is time? When my son was born, I was overwhelmed by immense pride and love. And at the same time this notion of responsibility really tormented me … “.
Become a dad: what changes
There is of course everything that paternity changes concretely : The time that is lacking, the sleepless nights, the couple to reinvent. But also everything that is more subtle and questions the relationship of men with their own father, without forgetting their place in society. Stéphane, father of a 3 -year -old daughter felt her in a rather brutal way. “”I was the first in my group of friends to become a father. And I quickly felt a ditch widening between them and me. I was less available obviously, but it was not just that. For them, I had become a father, a kind of figure of authority. In short, I had the impression of age all at once!“It is nevertheless a feeling that all the dads that we interviewed have expressed: An infinite love for their child. A love whose intensity has sometimes surprised them, like Alban. “”I expected to love them of course, but not to feel this almost animal feeling. I now had this immense responsibility: to ensure that my children are happy, fulfilled, feel safe. And when I see them both, well in their sneakers and balanced … I do not know any more beautiful and gratifying sensation “.
