I am a grandmother of two grandchildren who live abroad, whose parents are a couple in crisis. I often speak to them on the phone and from time to time I go to visit them. My daughter-in-law she is so stressed that sometimes she mistreats her youngest child, whose awakenings she cannot bear to wake up at night, insulting him and using exaggerated punishments. The older brother has been taking over at school for some time violent behavior towards the other children, so much so that the involvement of the children was also requested social services. The parents did not network with other parents at the school.
This summer I went to help them for a month and I found myself faced with a nice, attentive nephew, interested in everythingbut when he is tired, frustrated or angry he does all sorts of things: he opens the taps and floods the house, spreads all the dog kibblescatters the soap bottle on the stairs. I was able to keep him calm by giving him mine smartphone with cartoonswhich I know is not good.
Upon arriving from work, mom makes everyone have dinner quickly and then straight to bed, with a wake-up call the next morning at 6.30. On holidays he goes to his parents’ house or his sister’s and leaves the children with their father who lets them play. I understood that the two parents practically live in the same house as if they were separated. Since I have another daughter whose child was diagnosed with autismI wonder if I shouldn’t have one done evaluation of this type also to the nephew I told you about. That child is out of control, without a diagnosis and therefore even without help.
GRANDMOTHER CARLA
Answer by Alberto Pellai
“Dear Grandma Carlathe situation you describe is serious. There is a widespread chaos in your child’s family. I’m abroadstressed, without support. But above all they are separated at homefrom what you say in your long letter. No child can find balance when it is missing in the relationship between adults. There are tons of “unsaid” between mom and dad, mom is often angry or sadalways on the run, always committed to having the lowest possible salary with other family members.
Your behavior Grandchild seems to correspond to the oppositional defiant disorderbut I certainly can’t be the one to make remote diagnoses, based on the things you wrote. However, it is too important that the child is given aspecific attentionwith the involvement of a child neuropsychiatrist. The things you tell (aggression in the classroom so much so that he had to isolate him from his classmates, destructive behavior at home, inability to regulate one’s emotional states) cannot be underestimated and need someone to take charge of them in a way systematic and professional.
Yours is not enough good heart to put order in this situation that is got out of hand to everyone.
