There are many issues that have put Don Alberto Ravagnani’s vocational choice into crisis. Among these, we read in recent interviews, is also maintaining celibacy. “First of all, we distinguish the promise of celibacy to which the diocesan priest is called and which implies his total giving of himself as a shepherd to the care of the community entrusted to him, therefore beyond any possible bond of a couple, from chastity and the continence that are its premise” he immediately specifies Don Simone Brunopsychologist and psychotherapist. «Chastity means living the relationship with oneself and with others in an orderly way and respectful of one’s own and others’ individual boundaries, both psychic and bodily. It is an attitude that concerns all the relationships in our lives and that considers people as precious gifts to be safeguarded. From here, from being chaste, arises, both for those who choose celibacy and for those who embrace the vow of chastity, the conscious renunciation of building an exclusive emotional bond with a person that involves emotional and sexual intimacy. For what reason? To be able to dedicate oneself completely to the mission of evangelization to which one feels called.”
Chastity therefore as a premise to celibacy. How difficult is it to remain faithful to this vow?
«It’s difficult, but not impossible. I’ll try to explain myself better. A chaste life entails both joys and satisfactions and hardships and hardships. And the latter should not be ignored or crushed because one feels embarrassed or ashamed. Every consecrated person learns, throughout their existence, to manage their emotional and sexual needs in a balanced way, not denying them or debasing them, but placing them coherently within the life choice undertaken and trying to transform them into opportunities for personal and relational growth, in the light of Faith, the Word of God and Spirituality. Of course, this process is not automatic, it cannot be quickly dismissed or relegated to the initial training phase alone. On the contrary, it requires a long process of emotional and cognitive processing. Priests need to explain their discomfort and be accompanied to understand the critical moments. If we think about it, even what questions can become a gateway to the Grace of God.”
How important is the training of priests in the management of these efforts?
«I dare say a lot! Human and spiritual training has a central role in the existence of priests only if it is biblically founded, if it is attentive to the person as a whole and if it lasts for a lifetime, with diversified forms and rhythms suited to commitments and age”.
From a relational and psychological point of view, how do you learn to manage the difficulty inherent in chastity and therefore in the promise of celibacy?
«By talking about it and becoming aware of it. To do this, it takes courage, trust and a lot of patience! Putting yourself bare regarding such delicate topics is tiring. There is a need to find a person who is willing to give them a protected listening space, free from any judgement, and to walk alongside them, especially when they feel lost. You get a lot of benefit from it and you feel less alone. Furthermore, the process that leads to consciously living chastity aims to integrate this choice into oneself, to feel it is one’s own and not obligatory, thus avoiding its opposite, that is, the rigid separation between what is carnal and what is spiritual, which fuels continuous suffering. Therefore, it is not by burying the discomfort that one learns to manage it, but by coming into contact with what prompts it, so as to identify the appropriate keys to get out of it, with the help of others and with one’s own strength.”
What can undermine this choice?
«Priests, even before God and their vocation, remain men. It’s good to remember this. And as such they are not exempt from experiencing emotions, harboring feelings and experiencing physical attraction. Of course, it’s not easy to admit it and try to manage yourself. You can slip into panic, fear that you won’t be able to control yourself or that you will be misunderstood. What to do? Ignore everything, generating increasingly deeper discomfort? No! Let’s start by recognizing that these experiences are not negative in themselves! A possible emotional transport reminds us of our identity as creatures, equipped with a body predisposed to await the encounter with the other. Saint John Paul II said it in the Catecheses of human love. If we rediscover the genuineness of this dimension and accept it for what it is by reducing fear, it is possible to rediscover, by calmly dwelling and regaining contact with reality, the deepest roots of the vocational choice. And become aware of its priority again.”
I see a parallel with marriage.
“Exactly. Marriage and the priesthood have in common the compelling challenge of fidelity in the face of crisis. The sacrament reminds the couple of the pact of love they make with the Lord from which emerges the mutual pact between the spouses themselves, to be renewed every day. The beauty of marriage is precisely getting up in the morning and choosing to get married again, as if it were the first time, in a dynamic of continuous relaunch, fully entrusted to Him. For the priest, however, it is the daily renewal of a relationship of intimacy with the Lord and with the Church”.
There is a more challenging aspect of the priesthood which is linked to solitude.
«There is a decisive difference between loneliness and isolation. Loneliness is not always negative, it also recalls the most intimate and specific dimension that everyone can develop with themselves and with the Lord. Today the risk for priests, however, is isolation and closure, because they are burdened with great responsibilities and often feel tired and misunderstood.”
So how can you not isolate yourself?
«The best way to overcome isolation is to create and nurture clear and fulfilling relationships. With the people who are close to us, first of all, in the parish or in group and associative contexts. Keeping alive the relationship with the family of origin, with relatives, with one’s collaborators and – why not – with one’s friends. Forming bonds with those around us is essential.”
And then?
«Cultivate healthy relationships within presbyteral fraternities which are often polluted by envy, jealousy and sabotage mechanisms, causes of greater isolation. Building and living “authentic” bonds does not mean always getting along but training in dialogue, because from here we receive and give the recognition we all need.”
In all this reasoning I have never heard you question the obligation to celibacy and chastity.
«Because I don’t think this is the real reason behind the crises that priests are experiencing today. It seems to me to be just the surface under which many other motivations are hidden, perhaps more painful and delicate than those we can imagine. For this reason, every critical moment should be treated with great respect by everyone, lowering the finger of condemnation that we easily point towards those who choose to abandon the priesthood and opening a welcoming and reliable hand to support the pain that struggles to be expressed. Orthodox Christianity, among other things, teaches us this: there are difficulties and inconveniences even among married priests (i.e. married with children). How do we put it? It seems naive to me to think that the abolition of celibacy can automatically solve the problems encountered by priests. The reasons should be investigated from time to time and case by case, helping the person to discern and understand what is at the basis of their discomfort. Only with an internal, honest and liberating pacification, will it be possible to understand how to open up to the future: whether to relaunch one’s vocation by rediscovering its value or whether to intuit a possible evolution, with all the pain that this passage entails.”
Finally, there is the still unexplored road for everyone and for the priests themselves of media hyper-exposure…
«I believe that today it needs to be contained and modulated. In the sense that we can certainly intelligently inhabit the internet, remembering that we are missionaries also in the digital territory, where we can announce the Gospel and bring the word of God to those who need it at that moment. Therefore, containing yourself means learning to manage your presence within social media by trying to live them in a functional sense for the mandate we hold.”
Would a new accompaniment be needed?
«Without a shadow of a doubt! The acquisition of a new skill should be introduced and promoted within the training processes of those preparing to become priests: inhabiting social networks as a place of mission in a healthy and positive way. A dimension that we cannot do without now, as it is now part of our lives onlife. Therefore, as we inhabit the territories of the relationship in presence we can gradually learn to inhabit the digital territories. Here is the need in the training of the priest, to put his human and relational dimension at the center which cannot be separated in any way from the learning of skills that allow him to effectively inhabit the digital world”.
