Whether they take root in childhood or in social pressure, limiting beliefs still slow down many women in their life choices, their confidence and their success. In his book Head on you!Sophie Gourion invites them to deconstruct these invisible injunctions – of the ” Be perfect ” At “ It is too late after 40 years – To regain their freedom, define their life mission and dare to change.
In Head on you! You encourage women to question their limiting beliefs that often date from childhood as ” be perfect ». How to get rid of it?
Sophie Gourion: This small inner voice that dictates our behavior and pushes us to make more and more, has a name: binding messages, or drivers. These injunctions were transmitted to us by our figures of authority (parents, teachers, educators) in the form of advice, reproaches or encouragement. They take root in repeated sentences from our first years: “ A boy does not cry “,” ” 8/10? I was waiting for a 10! ». The first thing to get rid of it is first of all to be aware of it! This little voice is not you but someone else speaks to you (one of your parents? A teacher?).
The second thing is to name it (one of my customers called it “the fairy carabosse”!) And to send it for a walk!
The third is to say ” Better than perfect ». Very often, your level of requirement is much higher of what is expected. To show that they deserve their places, many women are exhausted in over-work. One of my clients, psychomotrician, thought of abandoning her profession because she could no longer manage the end of the course. She told me spending hours writing them while her patients. I asked him ” What if you lower your level of requirement at 70%? ». After a few reluctance, she spent less time of writing and rereading and her amazement, no patient realized the difference. Finally, she kept her profession and developed an annex activity that fulfilled her.
Finding your life mission is an important step in this quest for self. What are your advice?
Sophie Gourion: Behind the words ” Life missions », No mystical quest or any traced destiny, but an invitation to identify what puts us in motion, makes us vibrate and gives us the energy to move forward. Too often, women allow themselves to be carried by external imperatives (studies, opportunities, financial constraints) without taking the time to wonder what really matters to them. However, defining your life mission is to give yourself a compass. This does not mean that you have to tackle everything to follow a sudden vocation, but rather find a coherent direction with its values, its strengths and what we want to bring to the world.
Here are some questions to ask:
- What was the job of your dreams when you were a child? What is that said of you (your values, your qualities, your desires)? Even if you do not exercise it today, what aspects do you find in your current journey?
- What are the people whose job or career you admire? Why they?
- What professions would you make if money was not an issue?
- What subjects could you speak, learn and exchange for hours without getting tired of? Why is it passionate about it?
- What causes revolt you? What touches you deeply?
You encourage women to celebrate their successes and to shine. Isn’t that the main problem of women?
Sophie Gourion: I would not say that this is the main problem but it is an important point which can start their self -confidence. It is not just an individual problem but more broadly systemic. From childhood, girls are more often encouraged to be modest, not to put themselves too much forward. We value their ability to do things for others, to be discreet and applied, but not necessarily to claim their value.
Research shows that women’s achievements are often minimized compared to those of men. In a professional setting, their successes are less recognized and valued, whether in performance assessments, promotions or visibility granted to their contributions. Consequences: women have more difficulty celebrating their victories. They minimize their achievements and more strongly retain failures.
You deconstruct limiting beliefs like ” Changing after 40 years is too risky How to convince these women on the contrary?
Sophie Gourion: First thing: look for counterexamples. A limiting belief is often based on excessive generalization. “” I am too old to convert myself “: Do you know people of your age
Who changed track? Is it an absolute rule or a fear that comes from the fact that women are less encouraged to do it?
2nd step: experience another approach. Rather than believing or not believing an idea, test it. “” No one will give me my chance at my age »: Apply a job without waiting to be perfectly ready! It is by experimenting with otherwise that you can adjust your gaze to yourself.
You write that ” It is not uncommon for the success to be afraid ». How do you explain this?
Sophie Gourion: When we talk about brakes on action, we often think of the fear of failure. But there is another blockage, more insidious and often unconscious: the fear of succeeding. The vertigo of the summit is no less frightening than that of the precipice. It may seem paradoxical. Why fear what we are trying to achieve? However, many women slow down their own ascent for fear of consequences.
- “” If I succeed, I will attract more expectations, more criticism. »»
- “” I will have to constantly prove that I deserve my place. »»
- “” My entourage may see me differently. »»
- “” And if, by achieving my goal, I realized that it is not as satisfactory as I Imaginais? »»
This fear of success can lead to self -abutment, the avoidance of opportunities, or even a progressive divestment of its own project.
One last piece of advice for women who want to change their life?
Sophie Gourion: During my years to accompany women in skills assessments, a sentence often returned: ” I would like to get started, but it’s not yet the right time. It was necessary to wait: the children are tall, that the financial situation is stable, that the credit is reimbursed, that their chief valid …
Spoiler: This good time never happens. We often imagine that changing involves a leap into a vacuum, a huge step of a giant. But in reality, the change begins with very small things. Rather than waiting to have a perfectly featured plan, ask you what would be the smallest step as possible to move forward, here and now.
The only real revolution often begins with a message sent to someone that we admire, that we dare not approach, or to a person who was believed inaccessible. The main thing is not to have all the answers but to be in motion.
