It is well known that most children go through a stage of omnipotence, some with the discretion that characterizes them when it comes to expressing their feelings and others in the theatrical and exaggerated way that they favor to ensure that they have been clear enough.
Parents are quickly helpless in the face of this intense fury which makes the child deaf, blind and totally different from the one they know, especially since it was triggered by an incident, minimal in their eyes, but apparently essential for a child showing all the signs of intense suffering. It is then that the trap, quickly unstoppable, is set up: any attentive parent concerned about the happiness of their child has difficulty seeing them in such a state of uneaseif he only listened to his heart, and not his reason, he would give in to the child’s whim simply to see him soothed, satisfied, happy.
Children who hate to see their clumsiness, their ignorance, their naivety, try by all possible means to compensate for these shortcomings by asserting a strong character and an already well-defined personality. They very quickly understood that their parents’ love constituted an ideal loophole. It is not a mechanism announcing perverse maneuvers, but an attitude entirely guided by the fear of seeing one’s weakness revealed in an incontestable way. It then seems quite natural to them to take this easy path, since it is a question of self-preservation. It is, for everyone, a vital necessity. There is no need for hesitation.
The parents are perplexed, lost, they no longer know how to react: their parental instinct pushes them to please their child by adopting all the behaviors that will make them as happy as possible, but the instinct which dictates the best reaction intended to form their character is the opposite. They will be forced to go beyond the desire to please to act as responsible educators of a personality to be trained to give them the best weapons. This child, having become an adult, will face obstacles, sometimes significant, he will have to fight to chart his path without being discouraged by the first difficulty. It is not by giving in to the slightest of his whims that we will help him build his character.
However, it is said that it is the love of his parents that would make a child more confident in life, giving him proof of this would then increase his strength: he will not present the faults of those who do not have the experience of this love like no other. This lack makes personalities more fragile, as we see mentioned so often to justify prohibitive behavior, forgetting that this lack made others stronger and more combative since they could rely only on themselves.
By frustrating a child who has expressed a desire, perhaps after all legitimate and justified in his eyes, if we are to believe the vehemence with which he expresses it, we refuse to give him the proof of love that he asks for in his own way. He would risk experiencing this refusal as an unmistakable demonstration of his parents’ lack of love. He will then plunge into nameless distress, convinced that his parents do not love him.
Can we not think that there would be an element, undoubtedly unconscious, of blackmail there: if you love me, you seek to please me, if you frustrate me in my legitimate desires, it is because you do not love me, in this case, I do not love you either, I am the most unhappy of children, that is why I cry out in my despair.
It is, obviously, impossible to make a child listen to reason, beside himself, rolling on the ground giving all the signs of the most intolerable suffering: it is not physical, it is moral, which makes it even more cruel. He behaves as if his situation was revealed in all its horror: he is weak, clumsy, his desires are considered negligible, he could just as easily die, since he has lost all interest in the eyes of those around him. If we persist in leaving him in this state of extreme misery, all he has to do is disappear.
We then say: we must teach them to manage frustration, this is the best way to help them prepare for the adult world. : once calmed, he will hear the voice of wisdom and after some time, he will understand its value. Even more useful would be the discovery of self-control, in all circumstances and not only in the face of the frustration of a desire, generally unjustified and even unreasonable. Learning to control your reactions generally provides real strength. It is no longer just a matter of accepting that a desire, a desire, a request, is not satisfied immediately, but of accepting this failure while retaining all your reason to consider your request in a different light. and, perhaps, then find more suitable strategies. Resigning yourself to admitting frustration is not enough; subsequently, we can examine, as impartially as possible, the reasons which led to this refusal to refute them, if possible, or to give up this fight because too much energy would be wasted in vain. We learn to establish the difference between a real need, sometimes essential, and a fleeting whim, without consequences if it is not satisfied.
Self-control makes you more lucid, more objective, it brings wisdom, not that which is satisfied with little and excludes all extravagance, but that which inspires behavior of well-controlled audacity. It also preserves the self-image, which is so precious, both with regard to oneself, to avoid being disappointed or mortified by reactions that one might regret, and with regard to others in the way they look at someone who demonstrates such maturity in his attitude. When an adult behaves like a capricious kid, his image sometimes suffers in the long term.
Thus, we learn to accept postponing the satisfaction of a desire, sometimes to put it into perspective, to not let ourselves be overwhelmed by violent emotions that the situation does not justify: past experiences have demonstrated that these passionate explosions were especially harmful and could, for example, destroy a relationship because of a distorted, even ridiculous, and above all aberrant image, obscuring all the qualities.
Advice : giving in to whims is not proof of love, as the child stuck in omnipotence suggests, it is recognizing him as the winner in the balance of power that he has established. This victory is fallacious, since it suggests that the child is stronger, more skillful and more intelligent than his parents. This is an untenable, and even distressing, position in the long term. True love encourages you to help him build effective weapons so that he becomes a successful adult.
