how to react and help your child?

It is not easy for parents to spot the signs of school bullying. And when the child has the courage to confide, the adults find themselves helpless, not knowing how to go about it or who to contact. Here are some wise tips from Hélène Romano, psychologist, to help your child who is the victim of school bullying.

What are the figures for school bullying?

• More than one student per class is a victim ;
• 5% of students are affected from CE2 to CM2, 6% of middle school students and 4% of high school students
• One in 5 students is the victim of repeated violence from other classmates;
• 16% of young people say that this school harassment lasted more than a month;
• 81% of victims were harassed by a group of students;
• Children report being victims of teasing (91%), insults (89%), being sidelined (86%) and physical aggression (66%).
• Physical violence takes place in the playground (94%), in the corridors (83%) or in classrooms and the canteen (60%).

When are we talking about school bullying?

It is important to distinguish harassment from violence. Sometimes, it happens that children fight or show a violent attitude, but without the desire to harass the other. “In the case of harassment, there is a notion of duration and intention to harm“, explains Hélène Romano. It is in facta repeated act, which takes place over time and who is done with the aim of hurting the other. Also, if a person files a complaint for harassment, they will have to prove that this is not the first time that this act has occurred and that it is intentional. Furthermore, with new means of communications, school bullying takes a new form: cyberbullying.

What are the different cases of school bullying?

Harassment of which a schoolchild can be a victim can take different forms: it can be physical violence (blows, injuries), psychological (mockery, threats, hurtful gestures and words, etc.), or even sexual. Generally, one or more students – sometimes even adults or teachers – carry out this violence on another student who cannot defend themselves. But “in all these cases of harassment, psychological violence remains omnipresent“specifies the psychologist.

What are the signs of school bullying in a child?

Some typical signs of school bullying can alert parents. The main ones are noticed in the child’s behavior, which tends to change.

What should I do if my child is bullied at school?

To help a child who is the victim of school bullying, “it is better toinclude these procedures in a medical framework by consulting a healthcare professional who, in conjunction with the school doctor, will examine the child and determine his physical and psychological state“, recommends Hélène Romano, psychologist.

The young person will then be able to benefit from care and especially from medical-school assistance which will allow them to no longer attend school for a period, just like a sick adult who would take time off work. Indeed, if the child suffers too much physically or psychologically, the doctor will then be able to establish a report which will allow him to benefit from a Individualized Reception Project (PAI)). Following this observation, doctors and parents take stock together with the management of the establishment.

How to talk about bullying at school with your child?

You should know that a child who is a victim of harassment will not dare or will have difficulty talking about it to his parents about himself. And even if he isn’t the one to bring up the subject, he won’t answer the truth for fear of disappointing. To the question “are you bullied at school?“, the child will answer “No”, or will confirm that everything is going well at school… So rather than talking about it too directly with him, Hélène Romano advises talk about what you feel as a parent andaddress the subject implicitly : “I know that in some schools there are cases of harassment… I was wondering if in your school it was the same thing and if there were children who sometimes bothered you?“.

The dialogue must be constructive. The child must understand thathe can count on his parents. In this scenario, the Harcèlometer tool can also be useful when discussing this subject with your child.

In the event of school bullying, should he change schools or not?

If the child asks to change classes or schools, yes. It can sometimes be for the child’s good, a way of protecting him in certain cases. On the other hand, if he makes this request and is refused by forcing him to return to school, it will be all the more difficult for him.

Depending on the steps taken, parents can also be helped with the change of establishment. The child can then be given priority to be assigned where he or she wishes. Parents must then enter the academic direction of national education services (Dasen) in order to request a change of establishment. Note also that since the start of the 2023 school year, it is the harassing student to change establishment, in primary school, and as a last resort.

• Green number “No to Harassment”: 3020 (free service and call), open Monday to Friday from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Saturday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. (except public holidays)
• Toll-free number for victims of digital harassment: 3018
• Toll-free number for anything relating to children in danger: 119

What are the penalties for school harassment?

“The law punishes school bullyingbut also school violence and provocation to suicide. Victims can alert the school management and associations. They can also ask the courts to criminally convict the perpetrator of the harassment and to compensate for their damage.“, specifies the government. In 2022, the offense of school harassment is created. The latter is punishable by three years of imprisonment and a fine of 45,000 euros when it causes total incapacity for work (ITT) of less than or equal to eight days, or even if it did not result in an ITT.

If the ITT exceeds 8 days, the penalty increases to ten years of imprisonment and a fine of 150,000 euros when the facts have pushed the victim to commit suicide or attempt to do so. Those guilty of school harassment aged over 13 will have their sentence indexed to the number of aggravating circumstances, in particular if the victim is under 15 years old, and if the perpetrator knew his vulnerability (physical or mental disability, illness).

Thanks to Hélène Romano, psychologist.