Some people conflict with disconcerting ease.
There are personalities more difficult to bear than others. People say pHC or “highly conflictual personality” are part of it. “”At the origin of this conflictual behavior: a low self -esteem, a poorly resolved traumatic history, dysfunctional patterns where any disagreement, any contradiction with these beliefs is experienced as threatening for oneself or as a destructive and negative judgment. These are people who can seek to fill an unconscious need for control or validation through the conflict. It is important to emphasize that behind this facade often hide suffering and deep vulnerabilities which sometimes have their reason for being“Explains Daniela Silva Moura, doctor in psychology and clinical pathologies.
The stake when you interact with this kind of person is to learn to lay your own limits while remaining empathetic. To protect yourself, it is essential to do a work on oneself to recognize one’s own emotional limits and be able to adopt a clear and firm posture vis-à-vis the other. It is not a question of responding with aggressiveness or systematic avoidance, but of finding a balance between firmness and respect. “”The error would be to be drawn into the climbing of the conflict because this is precisely what the other research: to trigger intense emotional reactions in the other“, Develops our interlocutor. Concretely, she advises to say “I understand that what you tell me is close to my heart but I prefer that we talk about it calmly” Or “I think we are not ready to have this discussion, we will come back to it at another time when we are quieter”.
But how can we distinguish a grumpy from a highly conflicting person? Highly conflicting personalities constantly tend to cause or fuel tensions. We find them in all circles: professional, love or friendly. These profiles are often marked by a kind of emotional rigidity, a tendency to interpret situations in a negative way, to enter into uncontrollable anger to the point of sometimes coming to physical violence. “”They have difficulty managing their own frustrations, their own insecurity, an increased sensitivity to criticism, difficulties in self -regulating emotionally “describes the psychologist. They are fully responsible for their actions and their words. “Nothing is ever their fault.”
When this type of behavior becomes too invasive, it may be necessary to move away. “”It is up to everyone to define to what extent it is crucial, to preserve their mental health and their space, to make such a radical decision“, Indicates the psychologist. In parallel, it is important to find support from his loved ones, his colleagues, his family or even to talk to a trusted third party to be able to step back, obtain tools and responses that can allow better understanding of the situation and better manage it.
