Do you tend to denigrate yourself? To constantly repel your tasks or even to rehash the past? These behaviors are forms of self-matetance. In his new book, Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant, psychopractor and coach, helps to identify them and get rid of them.
Self-matetance is the set of negative psychic and emotional behaviors that we afflict without realizing it. We are all concerned on a daily basis. For some, to less degrees, for others to intense and repeated degrees over a long period. In his book ” Emotional self-matetance », Published by Eyrolles, Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant, psychopractor and coach, highlights several of these behaviors.
Perfectionism
“” Perfectionism is born to compensate for the negative beliefs that you have on yourself, its self-love. The person wants to prove to others and to himself that he is perfect », Underlines the author. This requirement can come from education, from the family environment, from the self -image that has been returned by loved ones, hypersensitivity or even high intellectual potential …
Procrastination
Procrastination is another type of abuse to oneself. “” The person fears the culmination of their task for fear of not being up to par, disappointing others and yourself. This comes from the main expectations that we put on to compensate what you think defective at home, ”explains Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant. By constantly rejecting his projects, the person masks his doubts and avoids confronting his capacities. However, if she dared to take action, she could perhaps succeed, to offer herself happiness and positive feedback likely to repair her self-esteem.
Toxic relations
Auto-mattitance can also lead to living a toxic, personal or professional relationship, and stay there although it is harmful. “” Part of the person may think that the other is right to criticize it, to lower it and therefore remains locked in the relationship. Or she may also want to prove to herself that she can face her and face her. But the toxic person is just waiting for him to get out of her hinges to return the situation against him, ”explains the psychopractor.
Ruminate errors from the past
Another possible self-matetance: the fact of constantly rethinking that we have done badly or said. This behavior feeds negative beliefs on oneself, strengthens the critical look and gives way to a small harmful inner voice. “” The person thinks that if they had acted otherwise, it would have gone well but that is not necessarily the case “Warnings Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant. She is not responsible for everything that is happening.
There are still other forms of mistreatment: impostor syndrome, punishment, limitation, sabotage … whatever they are, they have the consequences of spoiling the life of the person, making them doubt it, preventing them from being accomplished, staying in uncomfortable situations. Fortunately, there are ways to get out of this self-food.
Self-Maltraitance: How to get out of it?
To put an end to self-matetance, it is already a question of becoming aware of it, of observing his way of talking to each other, of noticing these negative sentences said by his small internal voice … Then Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant proposes to write a benevolent sentence to say to be well to treat himself and take another look at oneself.
We also show compassion and benevolence towards ourselves. “” There are reasons if we are not where we want: it takes time to know each other, to integrate knowledge, to train. These maturation phases must be accepted. External elements also come into play, everything does not depend on us, ”she adds.
It is also a question of taking care of yourself, listening to your pace and your needs of the moment, not to judge yourself. Conversely, one may wonder how to live each situation well and make it fruitful. “” And the less time we spend ruminating, the more room there is in mind to release your positive ideas “Concludes the coach.
Dorothée Blancheton
