Children like to keep everything that is precious to them … and when it comes to lending their toys, they turn. Why don’t they want to share what belongs to them? We take stock with Dr. Stéphane Clerget, child psychiatrist.
All parents once found that a toy that leaves their child indifferent suddenly fascinating him as soon as he arouses the interest of another. “”There are so many interesting things that the desire of a child is developed from the desire of others“, Underlines Dr. Stéphane Clerget, child psychiatrist and author of the book Treat hyperactive children without medication (Ed. Fayard). You should know that up to 8 or 9 months, babies have the feeling of being one with their mom. In full construction of their ego, they will then gradually realize that they are full -fledged human beings with desires, and therefore, anxieties. “”They become aware of the property from 2 years for some and 3 years for others“, Recalls Stéphane Clerget. Little, the children play one next to the other and start to interact, but they then want to take what the other has, which breaks the game. They find it difficult to develop a scenario and therefore play together.”Children are particularly worried when friends come home and take their toys in their room. It becomes scary because they are worried about the idea that they are taken from what is their own, while they are starting to affect the objects affectively. Seeing children playing with their toys gives them the same effect as if they played with their mom“Underlines Dr. Clerget.
Seniors lend their games less
You should know that The least inclined to lend children are the elders, Because they are very invested before the birth of other brothers and sisters. Middle children are in an intermediate position and are future diplomats. They make alliances sometimes with the elder, sometimes with the last, and therefore understood that the donation or the loan is a way to create them. Contrary to what one might imagine, unique children are no less lending than others. “”To compensate for their uniqueness, many unique children learn to create links with their friends and sometimes call them their brother or sister at heart. Such a relationship also involves the loan and the exchange. Note Dr Clerget.
The age of reason … and sharing
It is when he arrives in “the age of reason” and therefore that of entry into primary school that your child becomes willing to share … and therefore to lend! “”At 6 or 7 years old, the child must learn rationally to contain himself thanks to the education he received and to endure the idea that other children can play with his toys without bringing him prejudice“, Underlines Dr. Clerget. Nevertheless, if your child continues to refuse to share, ask yourself: does he do it with all the children or only with his brothers and sisters? Refusing to lend what belongs to him with the family is only a symptom of jealousy between brothers and sisters. On the other hand, if he refuses to share with all children, it is important to intervene because it can be prejudice to him.
How to teach him to lend his toys?
He should not force him to lend his toys, but discuss it with him by asking him what he fears in order to verbalize his anxieties. “”It is also a question of explaining the interest he has in lending: it also allows him to obtain things in return. You also have to help him choose the objects he wants to lend and those he wants to keep for him. In siblings, it may be interesting to buy toys for each child, but also common gifts and which therefore belong or to one to the other“, Advises the specialist. Do not hesitate to play with your child with collective games such as board games, and especially to team games, which can then initiate this spirit of sharing.
| Give a good example. “”You have to sweep outside his door, because often, one of the parents of the little lender child (the one with whom the child identifies), has trouble freeing himself from his instinct for possession“, Recalls Dr. Clerget. Some children also tend to overcome objects, either because their parents were too demanding, either because they were victims of an emotional deficiency. It is necessary to encourage them to share something else.”They can be very generous in advice and in free time and offer attention or help. We must not forget that there are other ways to share than to lend objects! “, concludes Stéphane Clerget. |
